A Lover's Complaint
by HermioneMalfoyFan
Summary: Disappointed love and the fidelity of a husband. Two men, both worthy of love. One could destroy her, the other loyal to the end. Both love her without a doubt, but who will be the one to make her happy?
1. The butterfly

**Story Notes:** I usually finish my stories before I start posting them. This is an exception, as I am not quite done. I will start posting one chapter per week, but I warn you, it might slow down at some point. I hope though, that your reactions to this story will inspire me, so it won't be necessary!

Thanks to my friend and beta** laurielove**, who has been an inspiration and great support for me.

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything...**

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**The Butterfly**

"Shush. Astoria, don't cry. It's not going to help. Here, take this..."

Lucius handed a handkerchief to his distraught daughter-in-law and watched absent-mindedly out of the window while she wiped away her tears. When her breathing had calmed he turned away from his view over the stormy grey sea.

"Do you wonder why I brought you here?" he asked in a calm voice, his face tired and as grey as the ocean. Astoria thought that for once he looked his age, never had the lines on his face been so pronounced.

"You said you wanted to take us away from the manor... Scorpius and me. Because everything there reminds me of Draco."

"Yes, yes. That is right. But not what I meant, actually. I meant, do you not wonder why I brought you here of all places."

"I...I don't know... I... No, I didn't wonder. Although I didn't even know you owned a cottage like this."

"I brought you here because it is the place where I used to meet my mistress."

The witch looked at her father-in-law in disbelief. Having a mistress was quite common for purebloods, but talking about it was not. At least not outside the smoking parlour with male company only. Lucius noticed her astonishment and smiled sadly.

"Yes, I know. Would you care for a spot of tea, Astoria?"

She watched him preparing the beverage with precise movements. He seemed to know the kitchen very well, not once did he search for something. It was slightly disturbing to see him doing such a mundane thing, never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined seeing him doing a servant's task.

But she supposed that this was no more bizarre than him taking her and her son away on a whim after Draco had... No, better not think about that. Or taking her to a tiny cottage with barely two bedrooms. She sighed and dabbed her eyes once again. Scorpius was sleeping in the cot, upstairs in the smallest room.

Lucius put one sugar in her tea before he came over to the table again and put the cup down in front of her. He always took his tea black, why spoil a perfect tea by adding something to it? He lowered himself heavily into his chair and took a small sip from his tea. Astoria watched him from under her lashes and couldn't help but wonder. Never had she seen him so open and vulnerable. In her mind he was the personification of aloofness and control. Now he almost seemed readable. Like a book that had unexpectedly opened up. The wizard looked up and met her eyes directly.

"I admire him, you know? It takes courage to do what he has done. It could not have been easy for Draco to stand up to us all, to what he has been taught ever since he was old enough to listen. Yes, I admire him."

"You admire your son for leaving his wife?"

"That is one way of seeing it. But that is not the point I wanted to make. I admire him for having the courage to admit that he wasn't happy. For having the force to do what's necessary to be happy. Even if it means disappointing people he loves. Even if it means going against what society dictates."

"You admire him for admitting that he's in love with a half-blood? I would have thought that you of all people would be furious with him!"

"Yes, I do. And no, I am not furious with him. Do not get me wrong, Astoria. I think very highly of you, and I wish it had worked out for you and Draco. I wish none of you had had their hearts broken. But it's not the case, and what my son did was the right thing to do in his situation. I envy him, Astoria.

"You remember that I told you that this was the place where I used to meet my mistress?"

When the woman in front of him nodded, he continued.

"Well, she wasn't what one would call an appropriate match for me either. Too young, too poor, and not of pure blood."

At that Astoria's head shoot up. She watched in amazement as Lucius traced the rim of his cup with his forefinger, lost in thought. He had a faraway look on his face, obviously remembering the witch he once had known.

"You remember the time when I started severing my business ties with the Germans? It was when Draco had just begun courting you. I met her there, she was the watch-dog from the ministry. She had been assigned to the case against her will, and was a bit moody. She didn't want to be there, didn't want to keep an eye on me.

"She was beautiful. She had this delightful little line between her eyebrows, and a slightly pouting expression on her face—although she would never admit that she was pouting. This woman was so different to every other woman I had met before. Not like a pureblood witch who'd never worked in her life. Or like one of the secretaries who'd only try to catch my eyes in the hope of starting an affair with me...

"No, she just sat there in her grey skirt and white blouse, a notepad in front of her, waiting to begin. Her whole posture and clothing screamed _no nonsense_ and _don't even think about messing with me_. I should probably have considered her plain, not noticeable. But the way she furrowed her brows and that pouty bottom lip... I saw her and I knew immediately that I was risking falling in love.

"I couldn't keep my eyes off her, and I think everybody in the room noticed. I don't remember the details of the meeting. Only her voice and the way she looked. Her perfume. The way she got more and more annoyed with me the longer I stared. She didn't want my attention, and it made her even more desirable to me.

"The negotiations proved to be more difficult than I had foreseen. But it turned out to be most auspicious - because if we had been able to go home the same day as intended... I would never have had my chance with her. It took me five days to get her to have dinner with me. But in the end she agreed. To celebrate the successful end of the negotiations.

"To this day I still don't know how I convinced her to see me again. Or how I convinced her to engage in an intimate relationship with me. She knew that I was married. And she wasn't the sort of woman to be happy with second place—or as the rightful wife, to share her husband. By the Gods, I don't know why she agreed to the arrangement we had. She certainly deserved better than that."

Lucius grew silent and took another sip from his cooling tea. He had almost forgotten the witch who was sitting at the table with him, when she spoke.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I am not sure. But I think that what is happening to you right now, might turn out to be the best thing that could have happened to you. And that my story might help you understand.

"Nobody knew about the two of us. Not her friends, and certainly not mine. We met when she was away on Ministry business and I could manage to get an appointment in the same town. We checked in to hotels separately, of course, but spent the nights together. Or we came here when the need was too big and the gaps between our meetings too long.

"Gods, how I loved the woman. She was everything I was not. With her I could breathe and be happy. When she was around, my life seemed worthy and I felt that finally, finally something good had happened to me. I had more money than I could ever spend. Power, a good standing. But she was the one thing that I had been missing in my life all along. She made me complete."

"I still don't understand what that has to do with me and Draco."

"Everything. Don't you see? She made me happy, she gave me purpose. And I made her happy, at least for some time. When we were together we wanted for nothing, needed nothing, asked for nothing. She was enough for me, and I was enough for her. This cottage was our haven. We didn't need house-elves or expensive clothing to be happy. We needed nothing but a cup of tea, a bite to eat and each other.

"Have you ever felt like that with Draco? I certainly know it never was that way with Narcissa and me. She doesn't make me happy, and I don't make her happy. All her shopping, gossiping and travelling serves only to fill the emptiness she feels. The parties? The charity? To mask how lonely she is. Even her nagging me and her jealousy are nothing else than the result of bitterness about a wasted life.

"She's just as lonely in this marriage as I am. Yet, she is too proud to admit it. It would be too much of an embarrassment to get a divorce. Is that what you want for yourself? A life full of regrets? Do you want to wonder in twenty years if you could have been happy if you had had the courage to admit that you weren't at one point in time?

"If Draco hadn't decided to leave, don't you fear that he would have regretted it? That he would have pondered over _what ifs_ for the rest of his life? Do you think that an unhappy husband could make you happy?

"Look at yourself, Astoria. You are a young, beautiful, intelligent woman. You can do anything you want. If your goal is being a wife, then you still can be one. All you have to do is find yourself a wizard who loves you, and doesn't marry you because he feels it's his responsibility towards his family. But if you want to do something, anything else, there is nothing at all that can stop you. You will never want for anything financially—after all you will still be the mother of the Malfoy heir, even if you won't be married to one anymore."

"I didn't marry Draco because I felt obliged to. I really love him..."

"The fact remains that he doesn't love you. At least not anymore. And that he wasn't happy in this marriage. If you love him, and I believe you, would you want him to stay with you out of a feeling of obligation? Or guilt? Could you be happy under those circumstances?"

Astoria shook her head in tears.

"No, I couldn't. But it doesn't make being left behind any less painful. I wanted to give him everything, make him happy."

"Ah yes – I know everything about being left behind." Lucius smiled a tight lipped smile.

"What happened?"

"She left me, of course. If I had been a wiser man, I would have seen it coming. A woman like her could never be happy or even content being a mistress. I ignored the signs, and they were there. It was like watching a beautiful butterfly caught in a glass jar. In the beginning she was beautiful, deliriously happy, fluttering around, vivacious.

"But as time wore on the situation became more and more unbearable for her. She was slowly dying. Out of her natural element, suffocating like the butterfly in the jar. She wanted to make it official, wanted me to leave Narcissa. She said that the situation wasn't fair to either of them. That I couldn't just go from her bed to my marriage bed, leading both of them on.

"I don't think that she held Narcissa in very high esteem. After all she knew that Narcissa had accepted my affairs before and would accept this one, too, if she ever found out. She said that she herself was a fool, for accepting being in a relationship with a married man. To always take the back-seat behind my family and other obligations.

"During the last months of our relationship she cried a lot. And to be honest, I doubt that I saw half of it. I suspect that she was suffering from depression at that time. It was my fault and my fault alone.

"I was so fascinated by my delicate butterfly, that I didn't realise my jar wasn't good enough for her. That I killed everything beautiful within her. I didn't see that she was meant to fly free, not kept in a restrictive and diseased arrangement like ours. I saw her fluttering and flying against the glass walls without realising that it broke her wings. I only saw what I wanted to keep, not what I was doing to her.

"Everything I loved so much about her was gone in the end. Her strength, her determination, her independence and her laugh. All gone. She begged me to leave Narcissa. Again and again. She told me what she wanted, what she dreamt of. It all sounded perfect to me. And still, I hesitated.

"What would a divorce do to my fortune, my standing, my business? Why endanger that when I could have it all? The wife who reflected my place in society, and the mistress I loved. In my head it was all so easy. I imagined that I could have her, maybe even have a family with her, without giving up anything.

"What a horribly selfish man I was. I didn't even think about what the situation was doing to her. That the idea of me sleeping with Narcissa made her vomit. That she went to bed alone most of the time. That she went to every function, every event, single or escorted by a friend. While I profited from our deal in every aspect, it was a disaster for her.

"I still don't know what the breaking point was, but she finally confided in a friend. She finished with me the same night. I didn't believe she would stick to it, thought she'd come back. We loved each other so much, that I simply couldn't imagine she'd be gone. But she didn't turn up when I asked to meet her the next time. Or the time after. Or the time after that. She didn't inform me where she would be travelling to for ministry business anymore either.

"I tried to go to her flat, but her friend had got her a new one. It was on a high security list, so I couldn't even discover the address for myself. When I inquired at the ministry I learned that she had resigned.

"From a friend I heard that she was seeing a psychiatrist. He obviously didn't know that we had been seeing each other, but apparently it was the biggest news at the time. That she was so broken that she needed to see a shrink.

"It was then that I gave up. I finally saw what I had done to her. I had completely destroyed the woman I loved. I didn't deserve her, but still she offered her love, offered herself. Gods, I was so selfish. I could have given her what she wanted, or left her alone. Either way ultimately she would have been fine. But instead, I played her, tried to get the maximum of what I could possibly get and hurt her in the worst way imaginable."

"Did you ever see her afterwards?"

"She disappeared for a lengthy period of time. But yes, I have seen her since. The first time I saw her came as a great shock to me. And to her, too, I think. She paled when she saw me and hurried the other way. She was..."

Lucius breathed heavily and closed his eyes before he continued.

"She was pregnant."

"Oh!" Astoria grabbed his hand over the table and squeezed it in sympathy. "Was it... I mean is it..."

"Mine? No. At that point we hadn't seen each other for over two years. It definitely wasn't my child she was carrying. But it knocked the wind out of me anyway. She was so beautiful. So incredibly beautiful, even with another man's child in her womb.

"I imagined how it would be if it were my baby. She had wanted to have a baby with me, you know. She longed for a child. I don't know whether her wish for a child with me was so strong because she subconsciously thought that it would make us more real, because it would secure her. Or if it was because she really wanted to create a new life with me.

"She never stopped taking her potion while we were seeing each other though, even when I told her that I'd love to have a baby with her, too. And she was right not to do it. Because what could I have been for her and for the child? Nothing at all. At the important times she would have been alone.

"I was a coward, Astoria. An old fool, who didn't go for the woman he loved. Draco is a wiser man than me. And I hope that after you have sorted out your pain and hurt, you will see that it wasn't only the right decision for him and his butterfly, but for you, too."

He rubbed his eyes in tiredness and looked out of the window and into the dark. The day had stirred up memories he had been trying to forget for years now. He was so tired of this. Of his failure. Of his longing for the one woman he still loved and probably would love until the day he died. He only hoped that she was happier than he was. She deserved it.

Lucius took Astoria's hand again. She looked up, and he could see the tears in her eyes, that doubt, hurt and a portion of anger brought. He knew that she would need some time to think on her own. He had told her all he had to tell; now it was up to her to sort her own story out. He only hoped that he had helped her a little. The wizard got up and put his cup in the sink.

"I will retire to bed. Don't forget to put out the light when you go to sleep. There are no house-elves around here. Try to get some sleep tonight, alright?"

Astoria nodded and he turned towards the stairs. He was halfway up the short staircase when she asked, "Who was she?"

He half turned towards her.

"Hermione Granger."

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**So... Let me know what you think!**


	2. Getting to know the witch

I am so, so sorry I didn't update for such a long time! Work was really crazy, I just couldn't get myself to finish this chapter. The next one is already waiting to be posted, so this time I won't let you wait this long!

A enormous hug to **werewolfhime** who just jumped in to beta this chapter in incredible speed.

As it certainly hasn't gone unnoticed, there were a few mistakes left in the version originally posted. But** laurielove** took care of that. Thank you!

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**Getting to know the witch**

_Lucius smiled as he saw Miss Granger enter the restaurant. She was a lovely sight for his sore eyes. The whole day he had been lusting over her, imagining her without her prim and proper professional attire. And there she was; still wearing a very sensible outfit – black slacks and the same blouse she had worn during the negotiations – and clearly a penchant for high heeled shoes. The ones she had worn in the meetings had been nice enough, but these were a sin. _

_How he would love to see her wearing those with a skirt ... From what he had seen in the last few days, her legs were quite shapely. He stared hungrily at her feet, painted toe-nails peeping out of the patent-leather shoes. His eyes travelled slowly up her body, lingering only shortly on her bosom, not daring to openly stare, lest she make a scene in the middle of the restaurant._

_But clearly, his staring had been noticed anyway if her furrowed brow was anything to go by. He rose from his chair quickly to greet her and kissed her knuckles lightly._

"_Miss Granger. I am so glad you agreed to this dinner." He drew her chair out for her._

_Hermione took her place gracefully and forced herself to smile. "It's not as if I had a choice."_

"_You wound my pride Miss Granger. Are you saying that you nearly didn't come here because you simply could not withstand the temptation of spending the evening in my company?"_

"_Hardly. But tell me Mr. Malfoy, what is it that makes you so _desperate_ to spend the evening with me? If I recall correctly – and I do – it was you who practically begged me for this... whatever you want to call it."_

_Lucius chuckled low. "Malfoys do not beg. And I think we should call this _a rendezvous_." _

"_A rendezvous?" Hermione snorted in a rather un-ladylike manner. "Goodness, do you even have the same vocabulary as us peasants? A normal person would call this a date... Even if I don't agree to that term – because this is certainly NOT a date, Mr. Malfoy."_

_He grinned cockily at her, and at that moment the witch could clearly see where Draco got his smirk from. Lucius Malfoy looked so much younger now, with an almost mischievous gleam in his eyes. How could she ever have thought of him as anything other than attractive? (Although, that obviously didn't change the fact that he was still a cruel ex-death-eater, she reminded herself.)_

"_Why, Miss Granger, is it not obvious? We Malfoys are of French descent, after all. And I would never dare call you a peasant – not after the glorious work you have done these last weeks. Without you, this would have taken longer. I am very pleased with the outcome of this deal."_

_*~*~*~*~*~*~_

Lucius shook his head and banished the memories from his head. It wouldn't do to cry over spilt milk. He had a function to attend to, no time for musing. He adjusted his tie and his waistcoat before he left his room, looking for his daughter-in-law.

Since Narcissa had complained of a bout of migraine, more likely a bout of indifference, he would take Astoria. The witch more than deserved a distraction. He understood why Draco had done what he had done, but to see Astoria suffer made him sad. He watched her as she stood indecisively in front of her mirror. She looked good in her silver silk dress. The matching dress-robes were already lying over the back of a chair nearby.

"Stop fidgeting. You look beautiful. Take your robe. We will be late if we do not leave now." He offered her his arm when she was ready.

"I am nervous. Everybody will surely know by now..."

"And since when has a Malfoy ever cared what other people know or talk about?" Lucius smiled down at her and squeezed her hand reassuringly.

They each took a handful of floo powder and tossed it into the embers. With a loud 'whoosh,' the flames came alive, and together they stepped into the fire. When the two Malfoys arrived at the Merlin Grand Hotel, they collided with a couple standing just in front of the fireplace.

The witch they almost knocked over turned around after she had steadied herself. Every endeavour to apologise died in Lucius' throat when he looked into the startled face of Hermione Granger—no, Weasley. Her husband took her by the hand and glared angrily at him. Lucius took a breath and started over again.

"I am so sorry. Are you all right?"

Hermione just nodded silently, but her companion was not so easily pacified.

"Watch where you're going!" he spat, still glaring menacingly at them.

"Yes, and you could just keep clear of the floo-area. As I said, I am sorry that it happened.. Come Astoria, no need to linger here any longer." The blond wizard took his daughter-in-law's arm and led her in the direction of the ball room.

"You okay?" Ron asked his wife, fretting over her like a mother hen over her chick.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine Ron. It was only a slight shove, nothing serious. He didn't do it on purpose, you know? Let's go in. Your team mates are probably already there." She smiled at him reassuringly and kissed his cheek lightly, careful not to smear her lipstick.

"It's Malfoy... You never know if he did it on purpose or not!"

Hermione didn't answer. She was too lost in her memories to even listen. Remembering another time he had almost run her over...

*~*~*~*~*~*

_She had had a bad day at work, obliged to leave some tasks unfinished because she had to head to her lecture. She hated __doing this, especially when the things were important—as was the case that day. But she hated even more missing a class, and she couldn't afford any more absences anyway. Thus the choice was not really hers._

_The lecture had been tedious though. The don__ had spent the whole time revising some concepts already talked about weeks ago. Apparently, there had been confusion about it amongst parts of the student body. Hermione wondered sometimes how they had obtained their N.E.W.T.s, let alone gotten a place in the programme. She was tired now and more than ready to go to bed. There was no point pretending she'd get any work for her classes done tonight._

_It wasn't the first time she found it hard to motivate herself. It had happened in shorter and shorter intervals lately. And she was tired all the time—even after twelve hours of sleep. She stumbled over an uneven brick in the pavement. She almost fell, but a large hand coming out of nowhere and steadied her. When she looked up to thank her saviour, he retracted his hand as if burned._

_Hermione stared into Lucius__' pale eyes, his pupils dilating and then contracting within a fraction of a second. His eyes flickered with emotion briefly and then he looked at his wife, who was standing impassively next to him._

"_Well, well... If it isn't heroine of our society... Miss Granger."_

_Not knowing what to say or how to react, the young witch froze, a small, embarrassed blush gracing her face._

"_I...I am, uhm..." Hermione only stammered. What was there to say really? Did she have to respond to that? She simply looked at Lucius, eyes wide. For once she was completely out of her element, not sure how to behave. Never had she met him with his wife before, unprepared. The few ministry functions they had all attended had been hard, but manageable. Everything was manageable, when she was prepared..._

_When she didn't say anything intelligible, Narcissa sneered at her. _

"_You look a fright girl. Instead of staring at my husband, you should look into a mirror before leaving the house. Now shoo..." The blonde witch dismissed her cruelly, turning away impatiently, obviously expecting her husband to follow straight away._

_Without any hesitation__, the wizard followed her. When he finally glanced back over his shoulder, he could see Hermione standing where they had left her. She was as white as a sheet, her arms hanging loosely by her side. But what did she expect of him? He couldn't very well defend her against his wife, could he now? Narcissa would know there was something going on, and that would make everything so much more complicated. _

_Hermione pressed her lips together and turned away. She couldn't watch him leave with his wife, she just couldn't. How could he let her treat her like that? The tears that had been threatening to spill over all day finally came._

*~*~*~*~*

The brunette shook her head impatiently and smiled up at her husband who had a curiously blank look on his face.

"Everything okay?" she asked him, concerned.

"Shouldn't I ask you that?"

"Why?"

"You looked... distracted."

Without saying a word, she smiled up at him and put her hand onto the arm he offered her. She was already tired, but didn't want him to notice. He'd only worry for nothing.

Hermione tried not to think about Lucius when they entered the ballroom. This was a ball in honour of her husband's Quidditch team for Circe's sake! She couldn't pine over another man, not this evening. Her hands seemed to move on their own accord, taking a fresh glass of champagne from one of the floating trays.

She smiled at whatever Ron's team mate was saying, since everybody seemed to find it highly amusing. Her eyes swept over the room and the attending guests, drawn to the imposing wizard who was currently standing next to the Minister of Magic, listening distractedly. Their eyes locked for a moment before she looked away quickly.

Lucius watched Hermione fiddling with her glass. She seemed nervous and ill at ease. It was not very obvious, but he knew her well enough to recognise the signs. Her smile was forced and her eyes pinched. He had seen fine wrinkles around her eyes when he had collided with her. They hadn't been there when he had seen her close up the last time. But that had been years ago, so it was probably normal.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Astoria throwing a scrutinising look first at him, then at Hermione. He narrowed his eyes at her, could she be any more obvious? It would be a disaster for Hermione if anybody learned about their past relationship. If her husband ever guessed it, he could only imagine how the redhead would react.

He excused himself and his daughter-in-law from their company and led her away quietly. His grip on her arm was probably a bit firmer than necessary, but he ignored her discomfort deliberately.

"Stop staring at her!" he hissed when they were out of earshot of everybody else. "People will start asking questions!"

"I didn't stare. If somebody is going to draw out questions with his behaviour, it's you! You were staring at her just like a lost puppy would when it finally found its master again!"

"Stop it, Astoria! Just stop it!" He rudely left her standing alone and moved quickly out of the large glass doors and onto the balcony. He fingered his jacket for cigars. It had become a nervous habit of his to smoke whenever he was troubled. His smoking had become far more frequent after Hermione broke it off with him. She hated the smell of smoke and had not been very happy when he indulged in the occasional cigar.

Lucius lit the cigar and leaned against the low railing. He recalled the first event they had both attended after they had become acquaintances. It had been before they had become lovers, but he still remembered everything about her.

*~*~*~*~*

_She was breathtaking in formal evening robes, smoothing the delicate fabric nervously with her hands, and trying to hide the tiny insecurities she had about her appearance. Her hair curled in an artful bun at the nape of her neck, completely different from the strict and professional chignon she wore for work, and equally different from the untamed curls she had her hair in when in a more private setting._

_She was there with a young wizard, and Lucius narrowed his eyes at the sight of the man. He was no match for her. How could she not see this? Still she seemed content with her company, smiling and talking, her friends flocking around her, an ever changing group of young people._

_He listened half-heartedly to Narcissa prattling on about the newest fashion with some of her friends and the business talk her friends__' husbands engaged in. How they could never talk about anything other than that was beyond him. It seemed they did nothing beyond shopping and working, respectively._

_Lucius continued to observe Hermione, always careful that nobody would realise. He was bored out of his mind, and even the – admittedly very good - champagne couldn't distract him. When one of the men asked him about his current business deal with the Germans, he excused himself from their group. This was exactly the thing he had been waiting for – a reason to approach the girl without anybody wondering about it._

"_Miss Granger." Everybody was startled as Lucius Malfoy approached Hermione. "Would you mind sparing me two minutes to go over some details about the business you recently worked on for the ministry? There have been some complications I wanted to fill you in on..."_

_Hermione smiled politely, her eyes twinkling. She knew only too well that there were no complications. After all, they had met for lunch only a few days ago. Under the guise of a purely professional relationship, they had instigated a tentative and very shaky friendship – if you treated the word _friendship _in a broader sense._

"_I am supposing it is confidential? Should we retreat to a place that will grant us more privacy and less prying ears?"_

"_That would be safer, indeed. Could we perhaps use your office for a moment?"_

_The witch nodded and excused herself from her friends and escort. All the while Lucius took the time to observe her close up. She wore a midnight blue robe, over an equally dark blue ball gown with delicate silver accessories. The only jewellery she wore was a pair of small sapphire earrings and a matching necklace. All in all it was pretty unassuming, but it fitted her personality very well. _

"_Mr. Malfoy?" She indicated that she was ready to leave, and Lucius followed her through the crowd and out of the room into the maze that was the Ministry of Magic. He had already been in her office. It was nice enough, although not very big – and she shared with a colleague at that. _

_She didn't lead them there though, but instead into the main hall and to the __Fountain__ of Magical Brethren__. At this time the hall was deserted, and she sat down at one of the visitors' benches. She watched the water flowing in silence, waiting for Lucius to talk. Since the wizard was the one to approach her, she supposed he would have something to say._

_The young woman was very aware that Lucius Malfoy was a very attractive wizard. She had realised this during the negotiations she had supervised. It had been a shock for her to find out that his scent and mannerisms attracted and aroused her, and she had tried to quash this feeling by ignoring it. But he had been so insistent, she could do nothing but give in to him and have dinner with him._

_If he weren't married, she could very well imagine starting something with him – shocking given their past and the differences from which their past came. Not even mentioning the great age gap between them. But she didn't even have to ponder these questions, since he was married. And probably not interested in anything along the lines of an intimate relationship anyway. _

"_Thank you for giving me the opportunity to get away from those dunderheads. One more minute listening to their chatter about shopping and business and I would have run amok." _

"_That bad?"_

"_You have no idea."_

_Hermione only smiled but didn't say anything. The mere fact that he had told her something like that so openly spoke for itself. Never would a man like Lucius Malfoy tell her such a thing if he didn't have complete confidence in her. They had become inexplicably close during these last few weeks. She knew he felt it, too._

*~*~*~*~*

Lucius put his cigar away. They hadn't spoken long that night; the excuse was too feeble to justify a longer absence. But it had given him enough to survive the evening - To avoid taking Narcissa by her shoulders and shaking her until she stopped talking about her plans to remodel the Manor.

He realised that night that he had developed feelings for the young witch. Before then, he had been lusting after her, knowing that there could be more than that if the circumstances were right. After that evening, he had known that there was already more, and that, should he never have the possibility to act on his physical attraction for the witch, he'd be happy to at least be her friend.

Pushing those thoughts away, he entered the ballroom again. He had to look after his daughter-in-law. She was probably aggrieved by his earlier behaviour.

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	3. Like a car crash

As promised... Here my early Christmas present for you. Enjoy!

As always: Thank you **laurielove** for your work and support on this story**!**

**Disclaimer:** None of this is mine...

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**Like a car crash**

Hermione stared in the mirror above the sink. He had been there. And again, she had felt trapped, as if she couldn't breathe at all. What was he doing there? She hadn't thought he would come. There had been rumours that Draco had left his wife for another woman. A half-blood, to be precise. But Astoria had been there, escorting her father-in-law to the event instead of Narcissa. So maybe it wasn't true after all.

She pinched her cheeks hard to get rid of the pallor of her skin. Ron had been keeping a careful eye on her all evening. She didn't want to worry him even more. The witch exited the bathroom, her head bent, and collided with the broad chest of her husband.

"You alright, 'Mione?"

"Yes, yes. Everything is fine. I am just a bit exhausted and need to go to sleep. But I am okay," she smiled at him.

"Little liar. I can see that you're not fine. Come on, let's get you to bed. I'll join you in a moment."

"No Ron, really. It's your evening, you should go back for a little while. It's not every day the Cannons win the Cup, is it?"

"That's true. But I have the feeling that my wife needs me now."

Hermione smiled and gave him a peck on the cheek. "Ron, go on, really I don't mind. I'll just take a sleeping draught and will be out like a light. No need for you to be there."

"A sleeping draught? What do you need a potion for if you're so exhausted?"

"I... don't, Ron. Please, let's not discuss my use of potions, not tonight. I don't have the energy to discuss this with you. I just need to sleep."

"It's because he was there, isn't it?"

"Who are you talking about?"

"Lucius Malfoy, of course."

"What? Ron I really don't have clue what you're talking about."

"Oh no? You don't? Don't give me this shit, 'Mione. Enough is enough. How daft do you think I am? Do you really think I wouldn't realise my wife was pining over another man? That I wouldn't see how tired and sad you get every time you see him?

"Gods, Hermione, you are my wife! We live in the same house, sleep in the same bed. How can you think I wouldn't hear you crying? That I wouldn't see the circles under your eyes. You just try so hard to hide it, that I didn't want to impose."

"How... How did you know?" Hermione's lip trembled, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

Ron sighed.

"I've known from the beginning. Not who it was. But you weren't exactly subtle when you were crying in my arms. Do you know how it feels when the love of your life cries in your arms for somebody she loves? Somebody who isn't you?

"Have you any idea how it feels when she closes her eyes every time you make love to her? Breathes his name and doesn't even realise what she's doing? It hurts 'Mione, hurts like hell. And still, I held on. Still, I wanted to be with you, because I love you.

"I hoped you would get over him. That if only I loved you enough, you would see what's right in front of you. But it's not going to happen, is it? You will never love me like you love him. I will never be more than your crutch, will I? The one who helps you to get up again and keep moving.

"Am I ever going to be enough for you, Hermione?"

Hermione was sobbing violently by now.

"Ron, I love you. Very much, you have to believe me. It's just... Lucius... I cannot not love him. It has never been a question of me not loving you. If I could decide whom to love, I'd choose you. But... How can I explain... He ... he...

"He was my everything. I would have given up everything for him. Everything, if he had just left her. And then... I couldn't go on like that. So in the end, I left him. Even though I knew I could never forget him.

"When we became involved, you and I... I needed you so much. I needed your love so much. I still do. Please, don't turn away from me now. Please, Ron."

But the wizard just shook his head with fatigue. He knew couldn't continue like that. It was too hard to pretend.

"Don't you see, 'Mione? I can't do this anymore. Five years I have been there for you, cared for you, hoped against hope that this would turn out alright for us in the end. I thought that with Rose and Hugo, we'd be a real family. That you'd love me because I gave you what you craved so much.

"But it was never my children you were longing for, was it? All this time I haven't been more than a substitute for Lucius fucking Malfoy. Are our children even more than that to you? More than a replacement for what you could have had with him?"

"That's not fair! How dare you insinuate that I don't love our children? How dare you?" Hermione whispered, too shocked to even cry.

"How dare I? How dare I? Let me think... Maybe because I have a wife who mumbles in her sleep, '_I love you, Lucius_'? Maybe that is how I dare? And now tell me again about being fair. How are you being fair to me? How is breaking my heart of less importance than breaking yours? Tell me, Hermione."

When she couldn't answer but just continued to sob in distress, he forced a wry smile and turned to leave the room. His back turned, he spoke again.

"You see, Hermione, life is not fair. It never has been. You live with me, are married to me, and still your heart belongs to another. I know for certain that that is not fair."

"Ron? You know my relationship with Lucius was finished before you and I... I never ch—cheated on you."

"Not with your body, luv. But how many times did you wish it was him making love to you? How many times did you imagine it was him holding you?

"It might make a difference to a lawyer, but to me it's no less hurtful than if you had shagged him while we were married.

"And please, you have to know that I am not saying all of this because I suddenly don't love you anymore, but because I do. I love you too much to continue. This isn't good—or fair, for either of us." his eyes locked with hers, pleading with her to understand.

He finally left their room defeated and Hermione sank down onto the floor, crying for all she was worth. She cried for the one she didn't want to love but couldn't help loving. The one she had to leave eventually. Cried for the one she'd promised to love but couldn't—not the way he wanted her to and certainly not the way he deserved to be loved.

She cried for losing herself. Cried because she had been using Ron selfishly for her own needs. Cried because she didn't know what to do or how to continue. At some point somebody picked her up and lay her down on the bed. He cradled her against his chest and held her while she continued to sob.

When Hermione became aware of her surroundings again, she breathed in the musky, male scent of her best friend. He held her tight and continued stroking her hair until she had calmed down enough to talk.

"I have been hurting him all this time, Harry. All this time he knew that I was in love with somebody else. And he never said anything. I've been so selfish, taking everything he had to offer without giving him what he needed."

"Oh 'Mione." Harry sighed and kissed her head.

"I never thought that by not letting go I'd hurt Ron... How am I better than Lucius, when I hurt the man who was nothing but good to me, so much? I tried to let go, Harry. I really did. I wanted to be a good wife to Ron.

"I thought that by marrying him, I could put an end to my hurt and make him happy at the same time. I just assumed that I could love him enough to make this work. He said I used him as a crutch. And you know what, Harry? He's right, that's exactly what I have been doing. I thought that with time his love would heal me...

"I'm so stupid, Harry. So, so stupid."

"Don't say that. It was me who told you to say yes. So if this is anybody's fault, then it's mine, too. I thought, too, that you two could be happy together. Or maybe I only hoped you could be. Maybe it was this beautiful idea I had in my head. About my two best friends being together and happy. About my brother-in-law, the best mate I ever had and the witch I considered my little sister being a family."

Hermione smiled through her tears. "I am older than you!"

"I know!" Harry laughed silently. "But I still feel responsible for you. And I can't help but see you as a little sister... Not the older one, no. You are my little, know-it-all, brilliant, beautiful sister.

"You were hurting so much when you told me you had been seeing Lucius Malfoy behind our backs. I wanted to kill the bastard for what he did to my 'Mione. Believe me, I would have if I hadn't know that it would have hurt you even more.

"I couldn't believe how broken you were. And I couldn't believe how I hadn't realised that something was so terribly wrong before... That I believed you for all these months when you told me that you were simply overworked. I was just as angry with myself as I was with Malfoy.

"And Ron... Ron just seemed perfect for you at the time. He had been in love with you for years. So I didn't think twice when I pushed you towards him. All I wanted was to see the two of you happy. Instead I made my two best friends unhappy. I am so sorry, Hermione."

"It's not your fault Harry. I should have known it wouldn't work for him. How come you are here anyway?"

"Ron sent me. He said you'd need me," the wizard sighed.

"He really loves me."

"Is that a question?"

"No... Who's looking after him? If he sent you, I suppose he went back to the party?"

"Yes. I asked Ginny to take him home before he could get completely sloshed. She'll take good care of him and make sure he doesn't drink too much. You know how scary he thinks she is when she's pregnant."

"I know! He never thought I was scary though."

"You don't have a single scary bone in your body, 'Mione."

"I used to have!"

"Yes, I know! I experienced it first hand, after all! I remember those revision timetables all too well..."

Harry held her close the whole night; through her tears and cries, while she tried to sort out her feelings and fears. She knew that she couldn't simply go on the way she had lived before. Something had to change, if not for her, then for Ron. His outburst was all the proof she needed: he was unhappy.

He had changed a lot since the end of the war. Gone was the hothead with the _emotional range of a teaspoon_. She supposed that it was due in part to simply growing up, but also to what they all had seen and lived through during the war, too. Ron was by no means perfect, but she couldn't accuse him of being oblivious or ignorant of her needs and feelings. He had done everything he could to make their marriage work. She had to give him that.

At some point, she fell into an uneasy sleep, huddled against Harry, bathing in his warmth and love.

*~*~*~*

When the witch woke up she heard murmuring outside of the door. She could make out Harry's voice as well as Ron's. When the door opened, he husband entered the bedroom slowly, almost hesitantly.

"Hey." she smiled, and for a second he seemed relieved. He sat down on the bed next to her, where Harry had been lying during the night, holding her.

"Hey. How are you? Harry said you barely slept?"

"I am fine... Listen Ron..."

"No, you listen first, 'Mione. I am sorry for the way I acted yesterday. Not for what I said, but for the way I said it. I was being unfair.

"Well, I am sorry for what I said about our children being a substitute for you. I know that isn't true. I can't tell you how much I regret saying that one..."

"Yes. That was nasty. But you were right about the rest... I haven't been a good wife... I have neglected your needs in favour of mine. I am sorry."

"Don't be 'Mione. It's not your fault we haven't worked out. I know you tried, and believe me, I tried, too." He sighed with tiredness, rubbing his eyes.

"I'll try again! We can work this out, I'll do better this time! You have done nothing wrong, I'll just try harder! We will make it work. We can be happy..."

"But you haven't done anything wrong either Hermione. I don't think I could stand watching you try harder. I know how hard you worked to make us work. To keep this family together.

"All this time I have watched you keep our life going and everybody happy. I know how you try to accommodate everyone, do a favour here, a favour there. You have supported me in all my decisions, have taken care of the house, the children and all the stuff I don't like to do. You are the heart of the family. But I've never really seen you happy.

"It felt like being on the passenger seat of a muggle car when an accident approaches... I knew we would crash into the wall, but I couldn't do anything to stop it. And I saw you trying and trying to keep us from running into it, but you just didn't succeed. You were trying so hard. So hard it almost hurt to watch.

"I've seen how tired and sad you were Hermione. I hate these forced smiles you gave me without even noticing. The rare moments when you smiled a real smile... One that reaches your eyes... They would keep me warm for days. They were my rays of hope, that maybe, we could make it. That maybe I could make you happy and make you smile like that all the time.

"I saw the effort you made not to let anyone notice how you really felt. I appreciate the fact that you never once let show that you didn't love me the way I love you..."

"Ron, I do..."

"I know you love me, 'Mione. I don't think I could have lived like this if I didn't know that for sure. You just don't love me the way you should love your husband. And that is why it isn't enough. Why it can't be enough. I am so sorry that I have done this to you. So sorry that I made you believe it would be enough, when it wasn't.

"I am sorry for so many things. For not being your friend without asking more when you needed me. I can't be sorry for marrying you, because if I hadn't, we wouldn't have these two beautiful monsters we call our children. And I simply don't want to imagine my life without them. If that's all the good that came from this, then it's enough. But it's not enough to continue, you understand?"

Hermione was crying openly once again.

"Yes, I understand. You shouldn't be sorry. You gave me what I needed, it was me who was the one who took far more than she gave. Not you.

"I... I needed the way you loved me without asking questions. The fact that I could turn to you no matter what. I—I don't know how I would have done this without you. Or without Harry. You gave me what Harry could never have given me. The feeling of being a desirable woman. I needed you Ron. And you were there.

"The only thing I regret about this is that I hurt you so much. It was never my intention to draw you into my despair. I never wanted to make you unhappy. You were my best friend. The very best I could wish for. Please, don't be sorry for anything."

They held tight onto each other for a long time. Crying with and for each other. Crying because they didn't know what else to do, looking at the shambles of a marriage that wasn't meant to be. By midday they got ready to leave the house. After all, they had two children to pick up from their grandparents'...

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Merry Christmas to all of you. Those who don't celebrate Christmas, enjoy the holidays anyway!


	4. Not a good man

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything but the plot, and I make no money of it either.

Happy new year to all of you! I hope you had to work less than I had and could enjoy the holidays? Anyway, I suppose many of you had to go back to work (just as I) and thought that you might like to have a new chapter to read...

Thank you **laurielove**, for your support!

And now... Enjoy!

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**Not a good man**

"Where did you take the girl Lucius? Tell me, tell me now!"

"I took her to a safe place, Narcissa. No need to worry. She is fine, and so is Scorpius. Just give her a little space to breathe, will you? Astoria needs some peace and time to herself. I took her away from here for good reason."

"For good reason? Lucius, we need to plan now! We cannot let that... that... trollop steal away our Draco, Astoria's husband!"

The blonde witch was aggravated. How could her husband do this? Do this to her and do this to their child? Didn't he see that Draco would regret his decision at some point? Didn't he see how utterly important it was that Astoria was ready for when he finally came to his senses and returned?

"About whom is this whole thing, Narcissa? About Astoria or about Draco? Or is it all about what _you_ want?"

"Why I never!"

"_This_ is exactly the reason I took her away. Because I don't want you to bother her on top of what she's going through. You shouldn't give her the false hope of Draco coming back when it's not going to happen.

"He has been gone for almost two weeks now. And he has only been in touch for Scorpius' sake. He will not go back to Astoria. But if you keep pushing them, you might succeed chasing him out of your life, too. He is not happy. Let him be. Please, Narcissa."

"You don't leave your wife because you're not happy! That is unheard of!"

"And see where it got us."

Lucius turned around tiredly. He didn't have the energy to argue with Narcissa. The last weeks had been too hard for him. All the memories they had brought back, all the feelings. And then, seeing Hermione so unexpectedly. He supposed that he should have anticipated her being there, after all her _husband_ was part of the cup winning team. But still it had come as a surprise.

She had seemed... His thoughts were interrupted by Narcissa's sharp voice.

"What do you mean with a_nd see where it got us_? Don't tell me you are still lusting after that woman, whoever she was. She must have left even more of an impression than I thought then! It's been how long, Lucius? Four years? Five?

"How pathetic you are. I can't believe my husband is so weak! We are still the most admired couple in our circles after all these years, and you keep mooning over some little tramp?"

"Don't call her that. Jealousy does not become you, Narcissa."

"That is where you took her! Isn't it? You took Astoria and Scorpius to your love nest! That is why I haven't been able to locate them! You took them where you met _her_! I knew you had a house somewhere you didn't tell me about. I knew it!"

"There are a lot of things I tell you nothing about. Now, if you would please excuse me. I will take my leave."

He left the manor quickly, not up to enduring any more of Narcissa's unpleasantness. She was the reason he had taken Astoria away. He had feared that her influence on the young woman would be disastrous. If he let his wife interfere, she would certainly make their son and daughter-in-law even more miserable.

Astoria had adapted fairly well to the simple life in the cottage. There were no house-elves, so she had to do the housework on her own. But she curiously enough didn't seem to mind. After all, it was only Scorpius and herself most of the time. Lucius stopped by every day, but rarely stayed the night. It was too hard for him to lay awake alone in the bed where he had spent so many delightful hours with Hermione.

His son's wife was sitting at the kitchen table, a white handkerchief in her hands, lost in thought. Scorpius was nowhere to be seen, and Lucius suspected that the child was taking his afternoon nap upstairs. When Astoria looked up, he could see that she had been crying.

"How are you, Astoria?" Lucius asked her gently as he sat down opposite .

"You... You told Draco where he could reach me?"

"I did. As you asked me to do."

"He... he floo called today. But... he barely spoke to me. He only wanted to see Scorpius and talk to him. He didn't seem to miss me at all. Or to be sad..."

"You know him well enough to know he would never let his emotions show. Not in this situation. Don't judge him too quickly. Do you really think that he is happy at the moment? That he's less distraught than you are? I will admit that he is not very likely to be crying, but don't think that this situation is easy for him."

"Why shouldn't he be happy? He is the one who left. And he is with his... his new... well, with her. Isn't that what he wanted all along?"

"Leaving is not easier than being left behind. The contrary is probably true, although I would know nothing about it. Think about it Astoria.

"To leave somebody takes a decision. He has probably thought about this for months, twisting and turning it in all ways. My son is not somebody to make such an important move without thinking about everything that would come from it at least thrice.

"This was a huge step for him, you know. This is in every aspect an affront to everything he was brought up to be. And while he might not have loved you the way you love him, he still cares for you. You know that that is the case. In addition, there is Scorpius. Do you think that leaving his child was easy for him? The idea that he might only see him from time to time until the boy is eight? Draco knows that you have every right to take your son with you wherever you wish to move until he reaches that age.

"Just because he is with the woman he wanted to be with now, doesn't mean he is happy. There are too many things he cherishes he had to leave behind."

"I don't know. Would you be unhappy if you left Narcissa?"

"It's different, Astoria. To start with, I don't have still dependent children I would leave behind. And, I will freely admit that I started leaving Narcissa when Hermione left me. At least mentally.

"I haven't slept in the same bed with her since the day I realised Hermione wasn't coming back. And we have not have sex for months—even though she has tried to initiate it at some points. We never were friends or spent our evenings together. So that was a difference between the two of us and you and Draco from the beginning. We go to events together, and continue being a couple in front of society and our friends. But we haven't really been one for a long time.

"You and Draco... you were, if not a love match, then at least attracted to each other and liked each other a lot, too. Nobody would have forced you to get married. Of course, we heavily supported your union. It couldn't have been a better match had it been arranged.

"Narcissa and myself, on the other hand, were engaged long before we even knew each other. She was just a baby and I was a young boy when our parents signed the betrothal papers. It was another time, back then. You cannot compare my and Narcissa's situation to yours.

"But to answer your question: No, I probably would not be unhappy. At least not unhappier than I am now. "

"But what is the point in leaving me, if he isn't even happy now?"

"The point is, that he now has a chance to be completely and blissfully happy one day. I know it might seem cruel to you to hear me talking about my son's happiness when you yourself are so miserable. But always remember what you admitted during your first evening here: an unhappy husband could never make you happy.

"Don't forget, that this is your chance at happiness, too. All you have to do is let it happen."

"You never told me how you got her to have dinner with your... or how she ended up being your mistress. It doesn't really sound like the Hermione Granger I knew at school..."

Lucius looked up, surprised by the sudden change of subject. But then he smiled.

"No, it probably doesn't. As I told you, I am not exactly sure what made her change her mind. I was certainly insistent, so my best guess is she just got annoyed with me and wanted it over. Before she agreed to have dinner with me, I had to promise to leave her alone afterwards. She was very clear on that account.

"But then... We had a very good time. I have seldom met a more inspiring and intriguing person than her. She—surprised—me, I have to admit that. She was even lovelier than I had imagined, and I had already expected a lot. I dare say that I also surprised her—if not, she'd never have agreed to meet me again.

"We went out a few times without anything improper happening. We were fascinated by each other, but while I was very, very attracted to her, Hermione didn't seem to be attracted to me. She made sure that there was no inappropriate contact between us. Apart from me taking her cloak or handing her her bag , we never touched in the slightest.

"It changed, when one evening she got a bit...tipsy. She was by far the most enticing sight I'd ever seen, with brilliant eyes and rosy cheeks; the most beautiful drunk in the world. I apparated her home that night, because I didn't trust her ability to focus anymore. And she let me without arguing.

"I arrived in front of her flat, just as planned. The world was spinning around us—and believe me, it wasn't from the apparition or the alcohol. I had barely time to come to my senses before I felt her lips on mine. They were so soft, and tasted like her dessert. I could feel every inch of her body pressed against mine and I had never felt anything better.

"I brought her to bed and left. It took a great effort to do so, considering that I could have had everything I had wished for that night. But I didn't want her to regret it when she finally slept with me. I wanted her to be well aware of what was happening, not drunk. I wanted her to be able to make a real decision. I knew that if I had her that night—because she was certainly willing—I'd not have her again."

The wizard stared blankly into the space as he remembered how she had felt in his arms that evening. How she had smelt, and her smile.

"I already knew I wanted more than one night with her. I didn't want to risk that..."

"What did you do then?"

"I went home and slept with Narcissa."

Astoria gasped incredulously and stared at her father-in-law. He said it so callously, as if he didn't care a bit. His face was cold and emotionless, so different from what she had seen of him lately. This was the Lucius Malfoy she had known for the last years, not the caring and vulnerable man she had caught a glimpse of these last weeks.

"Just...like that?"

"Just like that. I am not a good man, Astoria. A good man does not cheat on his wife repeatedly without the slightest remorse. And a good man does not break his mistress either. What am I saying: there is no mistress in a good man's life!

"I knew that I was falling for Hermione. But fidelity had never been something I gave much thought to. And who did I have to be faithful to anyway? To a woman who wasn't even my mistress yet? I had never really been faithful to my wife. Not for over a decade, so it was a foreign concept to me. Nobody had ever expected fidelity from me.

"I had needs that had to be addressed. I didn't care too much how my sexual desire was satisfied, as long as it was. Physical intimacy and love were two completely different things to me. Yes, I desired Hermione, and I knew I was developing feelings for her. But that put no stop to my sleeping with Narcissa. She was, and still is a beautiful woman, after all. Even though it was by no means comparable to my lust for Hermione, I was still attracted to my wife. At least physically."

"So all this time while you were with her, you still had sex with Narcissa?"

Lucius rubbed his eyes. When she asked him questions like that, he felt like the biggest fool alive. How could he ever have considered his behaviour normal? How could he ever have thought that there was no harm done? If Astoria, who had no ties at all to Hermione, felt this strongly about the subject, how must she have felt?

"Yes. My lust was more and more concentrated on Hermione and the longer our relationship lasted, the less my intercourse with Narcissa became. But it never ceased completely, not until Hermione left me."

He didn't know why he was so honest with Astoria. Wouldn't a sugar coated version of their story do? Why did it seem so important to tell her his story? He had thought that it might help her if he told her about it, but he started to think that maybe, his telling her was not as selfless as he had first thought. Maybe, he needed to get this whole thing off his chest, too.

"Do you think that Draco...that even when he still...would he...?"

"I don't know, Astoria. I am not Draco, and he certainly is not me. But I will not lie to you. In my opinion, it is highly probable that he slept with the two of you during a certain time. He is no saint, and he did not have the best role model."

"Do you think he regrets it?"

All callousness seemed to have slipped off him as suddenly as it had reappeared.

"Astoria, we are not even sure if he slept with her and you at the same time. Maybe that was not the case. And I don't know if he regrets it if he did. How should I, he does not confide in me with these sort of things."

"Do you regret it?"

"Every second of my life. There is not one thing I regret more than hurting my butterfly. I was thoughtless and selfish and I destroyed everything that could have been with my behaviour. If I could go back and redo it, I know that I would act differently.

"She asked me if I still made love to Narcissa. More than once. You could hear the uncertainness in her voice, the preparation for the hurt that was to come when she did. I always told her that I hadn't made love to her for an age. And that I had no desire to do so any time soon.

"It was not a complete lie. It was true, I did not _make love_ to her, nor did I want to. But I knew very well that that was not what Hermione meant. She wanted to know if I still had sex with my wife, and the honest answer would have been yes. But I did not want to hurt her, and so I bent the truth so much it became a lie.

"Not that Hermione believed me anyway. She always knew when I was telling a lie, but in this case, she did not catch me out on it, because she _wanted_ to believe me. This brilliant woman lied to herself, only because she longed for it to be true.

"There are very, very few things that I regret more than the fact that my lie was not the truth. One thing being, that I did not leave my wife when Hermione asked me to...

"So, yes. I have regrets, many in fact. I regret sleeping with Narcissa when I was in love with Hermione. I regret lying to her. I regret hurting her. I regret not doing the right thing. I regret not being a better man. There is only one thing about this whole story that I will never regret - loving her."

"Do you regret hurting Narcissa? Cheating on her?"

"No."

Astoria looked up from her hands and the handkerchief she had been twisting violently.

"You don't? Not in the slightest?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I resent her, Astoria.

"I resent her because she didn't have the courage I was lacking either. I resent her for not caring enough to _not_ accept my affairs. I resent her for expecting nothing of me—and expecting everything of me at the same time. For being unhappy with me but not letting go.

"I am not saying that anything of this is fair. Or logical. But I resent her for tying me down. For being in the way of my one and only love.

"Sometimes, I even wonder if I hate her for it."

The witch stared at him for the longest time, her handkerchief forgotten. She didn't know what to say or what to think. Was she supposed to feel sympathy? He sounded so honest and desperate. She had never suspected that he was able to feel such strong emotions. She felt bad for him, even though everything he had done had been so wrong.

Wasn't she supposed to feel bad for Narcissa? Wasn't her mother-in-law in the same position she herself was in? And if she was, did that mean that Draco...

"Do you think Draco resents me?"

"No, I doubt it. But if he had not left you now, one day he probably would have."

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Soooo.... I hope you had fun reading? How about you leave me a little insight on your thoughts? The review button is just below!


	5. Sometimes I believed him

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, not mine...

Here you go again, one more chapter! I am aware that I don't stick to my initial announcement of one chapter per week at all – but my life is just plain crazy at the moment. I'll keep updating and still try to do so once a week – even if it might not seem that way.

Anyway, please enjoy the next bit of my little tale, and if you're still looking for good Lumione after that, I can highly recommend all of laurielove's work!

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**Sometimes I believed him**

Hermione watched while Ron put the last shrunken box into the floo. It disappeared with a loud _whoosh, _leaving behind nothing more than a few flecks of ash. They looked at each other uncomfortably, not exactly knowing what to say.

"It will be bizarre without you around..." she finally said lamely. She had tears in her eyes, again. It seemed she did little else than cry nowadays.

"Yeah... I know what you mean. It will definitely be bizarre for me without the children waking me in the dead of the night."

"I... Do you want a cup of tea before you leave?"

Hermione knew she was pushing back the inevitable, but couldn't help herself. To watch Ron walk out of her - _their_ - life was hurtful, even knowing that it was for the best. She mentally corrected herself. He wasn't walking out of their life. He'd still be there for their children, and for her, too. He had promised they'd go back to being best friends. But he was moving out. They'd officially be separated from now on.

Ron smiled. Apparently he felt the same way she did, because he agreed readily. He followed her into the kitchen, and watched her while she prepared their tea, just like he always did. He could see that her movements were more erratic than usual, but he said nothing.

When she finally sat down with him he watched her intently.

"What are you going to do next, Hermione?"

"Well, I guess I'll get myself a job..."

"Oh. Do you have an offer you're interested in?"

"Not really, but I'm sure I'll find something or other..." Hermione shrugged.

"Something or other? That doesn't sound like that's what you really wanted to do."

"Don't be stupid, Ron."

"I am being stupid? It sounds more like you are. Why would you do something you don't want to do?"

"Well, you know, I have to live."

"That's dragon dung, Hermione. Do you really think I'd leave you hanging?"

"No! But it doesn't seem fair for me not to work when we're not together and... I'm not breastfeeding Hugo anymore. I can work part-time. Your mum will love looking after the kids when we're both working."

"Not fair, not fair... You remember what I do for a living, right? I do what I love most and get paid for it. There is nothing unfair if the mother of my children does what she wants to do, too! I earn so much money that you'd have to be one of those crazy pureblood bitches to be able to spend it all.

"Merlin, Hermione, you're the one doing our accounts. You know there is no need for you to work if you don't want to. Don't do this, please. We might not stay married, but you'll always be important to me. You'll always stay the mother of my children. If you don't want to lift a finger for the rest of your life, that's fine for me. I can afford it easily.

"I am not leaving for you to be unhappy doing a shitty job. I am leaving you so you can be happy again. To be happy myself. So now, tell me what you _want_ to do."

Hermione sniffed. She could hardly believe that Ron was so generous, even when this whole mess was completely her fault.

"I—I haven't really been thinking about it to be honest. But... I think I'd love to go back to university?"

She voiced it as a question, but the moment she said it, she knew it was true. She really would love to go back to university to do her PhD. And when her husband smiled an approving smile, she realised that he knew it, too.

"Brilliant. Now we have a plan. Have you an idea what field you might be interested in?" he rubbed his hands, and Hermione simply had to laugh.

"How can you be happy at the thought of me going back to university? You hated it when I was always revising when we were in school... Or when I was at uni for what it's worth."

"Yeah, but only because you kept nagging me to do my homework, and later it kept you from spending time with me. But I think it's perfect for you, 'Mione. Learning new stuff makes you happy, and that's what I want more than anything. To see you happy."

"Well, I haven't given it any thought yet... But I guess it should be something that I already have a degree in. So that would make it either Charms or Transfiguration. I have a lot of time to figure it out...

"I should probably get in touch with some of my old professors, but I suppose the next PhD positions will open up in September or October. That leaves me a few months before I'd have to put in my applications..."

Ron leant back and watched her as she sat, thinking furiously. She already seemed to be drawing up a detailed schedule, about what to do and when. It had been a long time since he had seen her so enthusiastic about something, and it made him happy and sad at the same time.

Happy, because he had so longed for this Hermione to come back to them. He had known that she was there, somewhere, buried beneath the pliable and unhappy woman she had become. And sad, because it hadn't been him who had put her in this state of frenzy, but the simple idea of going back to school.

"Hermione? There is one thing you have to promise me though?"

"Yes?"

"Go back and see that psychiatrist you were seeing? Or another if you don't like her? But I really think that you need help. More help than Harry or me are able to provide. Promise it, 'Mione, please."

She looked at him for a long time, and then down to her hands, still holding the cup. She hesitated, not knowing what to answer. On the one hand she knew that Ron was right, knew that he was only asking her to do it because he was worried for her. On the other hand, she really didn't want to go. It hurt too much to think about _it_, let alone talk. Finally, she gathered all her courage and nodded.

"I promise."

****

"So, Mrs. Weasley. Why are you here?"

"Ms. Granger, please. I have just separated from my husband. I'll be taking on my maiden name again."

"You are here because of your separation then?"

"Not exactly. My separation has to do with the reason I am here, but it is not my actual problem. My husband and I are getting along very well. Apart from the fact that we didn't work out as a couple, obviously.

"I am here because my friends think that I need professional help to... to get over a man I was with when I was younger."

"You don't agree with them?"

"I—I am not sure. They might be right, I certainly haven't been the most cheerful person these last few years."

"The last few years? Have you seen another psychiatrist before?"

"Yes. A while back I did. But ... I didn't like her. It wasn't working for me."

"Okay. Do you remember her name? And what was it that wasn't working for you with her?"

"Her name was... Dr. Applebaum. She said that I was suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome due to the war. And that I was hysterical because of it... It didn't feel as if she took my feelings seriously."

"Okay. And what do you think was wrong with you? Or didn't you think there was anything?"

"I went to see her. I wouldn't have done that if everything had been just peachy, would I? No, I think it would have been good to talk to a professional. I think that I was suffering from depression during that time. And my relationship with that man... was certainly far from healthy."

"So you think that this man, or the relationship with him, was at the centre of your problems?"

Hermione nodded.

"Then tell me about it. Maybe start with how you met him."

"It was just after the war. I was a university student back then, but working part-time at the Ministry. It just seemed right to make an effort to get our world back on track. We met when I was doing a job for the Ministry.

"I had known him before that, and to say I didn't like him would be an understatement. I hated him with passion. We had been on different sides during the war, and I felt that he deserved to rot in Azkaban. That he had only escaped his just punishment because he had enough money to bribe every single member of the Wizengamont.

"During this meeting we had, he didn't seem able to stop staring at me. It was very unsettling and annoying the hell out of me. How dare he stare at me as if I was some piece of cake? The job was supposed to take one single meeting, but it took him five whole days to seal the deal.

"By the end of the fifth day, he had me worn down with his staring and compliments, and I agreed to have dinner with him, all under the condition that he would leave me in peace afterwards. I just wanted him to leave me alone, and I thought that this was the best way to accomplish that feat.

"But he proved to be so fascinating, nothing like I had imagined him to be. He was very charming, and an excellent conversationalist, intelligent and mature. In short, he was everything that I was missing in my friends. Don't get me wrong. I loved them, but they were so—young.

"Of course I was very young, too. I had only turned nineteen a few months before, and even though I didn't see it like that at the time—I was very easy to make an impression on. I was a young, inexperienced and naïve girl, while he was very cunning and used to get what he wanted. He knew just what to say and what to do to get me hooked.

"He was married, so in the beginning I refused to let anything sexual happen between us. He didn't pressure me, although it was obvious that he was attracted to me. What can I say? I was flattered by the attention he was giving me. It was unbelievable for me that this man who was more than double my age could be interested in plain little Hermione.

"I had slept with a boy a couple of times, but it didn't work out and it wasn't really how I had imagined it. So well, I didn't have much sexual experience either, and didn't feel like I was desirable. This whole courting business, his chivalry, the way he treated me—it was all very new to me. It made me feel so special.

"If he hadn't been married, I am sure I would have succumbed to his advances the first evening. But he was, and I couldn't just ignore it. I didn't want to be _that kind of woman_ who slept with another's husband. So I tried very hard to keep my distance.

"But I had a crush on him. My first real crush as an adult. Everything before was... innocent. This wasn't. I wanted to feel his hands on my body, his lips on mine, his weight on top of me. So when I had a few drinks too much one evening we were out... I kissed him. And he kissed back. He only took me safely home and left, but after that night, there was no turning back.

"I wanted him, more than anything else. My morals were crushed by the lust I felt. I told myself that it wasn't me who was cheating, but that it was him. It was his decision to cheat on his wife. That if he didn't sleep with me, he'd probably go and find another woman to have sex with. I still think that my reasoning was correct. Which doesn't make it all right of course. But in the end, it was his decision. He had made the first move, he was the one who insisted, so why should I feel responsible? No, it was his responsibility, his wife and his life.

"In my mind, it was all very easy. I'd sleep with him, enjoy the advantages of a purely physical relationship with an experienced man, while keeping my heart safe. I didn't think that he'd leave his wife for me. He had never hinted anything like that and honestly, the idea itself was ridiculous. I didn't even want him to leave her then. He and I were such an unlikely pair, I could never have explained it to my friends. So in my imagination, this arrangement worked perfectly for both of us."

Hermione fell silent, worrying her lip forcefully with her teeth.

"I take it from the way you talk, that it didn't though?"

"Of course not. As I said, I was very young, very inexperienced. And I had a soft heart. I already had a crush on him, and it turned out, that I was unable to separate sex and love. I didn't even realise it in the beginning, it was all so new for me. Our physical relationship was far more satisfying than I'd ever had imagined.

"I was certainly not the best lover in the beginning, but he taught me everything I needed to know. I wanted to please him so much, that I did everything I could to satisfy him. Nothing we did was ever against my will, but with a younger and less experienced partner, I would probably have progressed slower, dared less. He pushed my limits, and I loved it.

"I know that he was more than satisfied with my... uhm... developing—skills. He told me so more than once. I know he was impressed, and I believed him when he told me that it was the most satisfying sexual relationship he had ever had in his life. I still do, by the way. Sex was never our problem. We worked perfectly well together in bed.

"He really was an excellent lover. While he pushed me and loved to just let go and receive pleasure, he always made sure to give as much as he got. I never went unsatisfied. Never.

"As time went by, I realised I wanted more than that. I didn't only want a physical relationship with him. No, I wanted him to be mine, wanted to wake up next to him in the morning, be able to floo to him whenever I wished, wanted to go out with him without worrying about being seen. Simply be with him.

"I got jealous of his wife. I suspected that he still slept with her, although he denied it. I wanted to believe him, but it was hard to do so. She was beautiful and alluring, so how could he not when we didn't see each other nearly as often as I would have wished.

"While being with him had been a booster for my self-confidence before, it now crushed it. He made me feel small, unimportant, stupid and plain. I became very self-conscious and insecure. My whole life, my whole existence had slowly started to be about him. Everything I did, I did with him in mind. To gain his attention and appreciation. To win his love, so he'd leave his wife and be with me.

"He said he loved me, of course. And sometimes I believed him. But it was hard, because if he did, then why didn't he leave her? Why? He had all sort of excuses. That he couldn't because of what it would do to his standing. His business. To her. That although he didn't love her, he couldn't be so cruel either. His son. His friends. My friends. My family.

"I was hurting very badly most of the time. Only happy during the few hours I was in his arms. And even those times became harder to bear every time we had to separate after we made love. I was a wreck, but I still moved on with him.

"Until... Until one day, I couldn't take it anymore and confided in a friend. I told him everything. Everything. He didn't hesitate a second and started reorganising my life. He forced me to finish with the man and then took me to his place.

"He let me cry in his arms for days. When I finally was strong enough to go without him for a few hours, he cleared out my flat and moved my stuff into his own.

"I sometimes think... He saved my life."

"Looking back, do you think he loved you?"

"Harry? Of course."

"Is that his name? The name of the man you were with?"

"No, that's not him. Harry is my best friend. His name was Lucius... I—I... Yes. I think that in his own twisted way he loved me. But it wasn't enough."

"What happened afterwards?"

"I went to study abroad for a year. It was the easiest way to avoid him and I hoped that it would help me to gain distance from him. Well, it kind of worked. I didn't see him again until I was already married."

"So you fell in love with somebody else?"

"No...no. He was more like my...lifeline. The one thing I could hold onto to not drown in a sea of despair."

Hermione stared into space, lost in her thoughts and old feelings. She felt so tired after talking about all of this. She wasn't sure if her decision to come to see a psychiatrist again was a good one. It certainly brought up a lot of unwanted memories.

"He was my best friend, together with Harry. And they kept me alive."

"Looking back, how would you judge your relationship with that man?"

"It wasn't very sane or well balanced. I was too young and too inexperienced for a man like him. He used this fact for his gain, he used me. I am sure he didn't intend to hurt me, but he certainly wasn't very careful not to crush me either. He acted very selfishly, and I had not the power or the necessary determination to stop him or to protect myself."

"Do you still love him?"

The witch hesitated and then nodded slowly.

"Yes, I do. I still love him."

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If you have a minute to spare... I'd be happy to receive your feedback!


	6. Karma is a bitch

Well, I don't know what to say... I know I made you wait for such a long time! The next one will be out soon though, I promise! I only hope you'll want to read this anyway!

You all have to be thankful to my super fast** laurielove **who had this betaed in no time once I send her the first draft!

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**Karma**** is a bitch**

Draco took another sip from his glass and waited patiently for his father to show up. He was used to waiting for him. It seemed as if he had done nothing else since he was a child - not only waiting for him to arrive, but waiting for him to notice Draco, to acknowledge him as a person – and most importantly to love him. But the child was long gone, and the war had changed him - just as his father had changed, that much was true. But it was too little, too late. His father would never be a confidant for him, and his mother even less.

While he was an heir for his father, to be moulded the way he wished him to be, he had been a duty to his mother. She had been even more distant than Lucius. Draco often wondered how she would have behaved had he been a girl. He suspected that she was disappointed to have had a boy first, and not a little girl; a child to cuddle and spoil as much as she wanted. There was no need for a second child once the Malfoy line was secured, and as far as Draco knew, there had never been any discussion about it.

Draco knew that his latest actions must have angered his parents very much. For some reason however, Lucius had contacted him. His letter had been perfectly polite, asking for a meeting as soon as Draco could arrange it. He had hesitated to answer at first, but Lucius had assured him that he didn't mean to sway his mind and so he had agreed to the meeting. The young wizard didn't know why he believed his father; he couldn't imagine that Lucius was happy with him for leaving Astoria. But his letter had seemed heartfelt and truthful, so he decided to come.

The wizard let his eyes wander over the other tables, recognising a few faces here and there, one group catching his attention more than the others; the Potters and the Weasleys having dinner together. Draco sneered. _Who'd have thought a few years ago that one day they could afford a place like this? _

"Draco. I am glad you accepted my invitation." His father slipped into the chair opposite him. "Do take that miserable look from your face though. It does not suit you."

Wordlessly Draco threw a look in the direction of the foursome at the other table. They suddenly looked much more tense, at least Potty and the Weasel did. He could see their knuckles whitening from the firm grip around their cutlery, and that from the distance. Granger didn't look up from her plate, but she sat ramrod straight and the slight smile that had been on her face before had vanished. The only one oblivious to the sudden change in the atmosphere was the little Weaselette, Potty's wife. Although... She certainly didn't resemble the little Weaselette he had known at school at all. Who'd have thought that such a slim woman could get so big when pregnant? He shook his head and concentrated on his father again.

The older man seemed frozen and was staring at Draco's former classmates as if he had seen a ghost. He caught himself after a short moment and turned his attention towards his son. He coughed slightly, embarrassed over his slip. Shaking his head in a barely noticeable way, he reached for the menu hastily.

"The lamb is always good here..." Lucius remarked after a moment of staring, unseeing,into the menu.

"Yes... That's true..." Draco was still puzzled over his father's behaviour and watched him from under his lashes. "So, tell me father. Why did you want to meet me today? I must say your request came as quite a surprise. I thought you wouldn't want to talk to me for at least – another few months or so."

Lucius raised an eyebrow mockingly. "You were wrong."

"Obviously so. But I wonder why. I told you, if this is to convince me to go back to Astoria..."

The older wizard turned the page of his menu slowly, as if there was nothing that could possibly be of more interest at the moment. Finally he replied, "I have already told you that it is not. I know I have not been the best father – but have I ever lied to you?"

"Lied? Not that I know of. Stretched the truth? More times than I care to count."

"Yes, well..." Lucius wasn't sure what to say. He narrowed the eyes at his son's smirk. The little ingrate was enjoying his discomfort far too much. Luckily for him, the waiter decided to show up at just that moment.

They ordered their meals, but Draco didn't fail to notice his father seemed distracted once again. He could hear the Weaselette complain about wanting a dessert while her husband tried to shush her. Granger and her own Weasel had already left the table. From his seat he could see them standing near the entrance, Granger clearly distraught. He could see the redhead trying to comfort her awkwardly. Apparently the guy still hadn't learned how to treat women. He turned back to his father.

"So. Why are we here?"

"I wanted to have dinner with my son."

"Right," Draco drawled. "That would be a first, father."

Lucius sighed. "It is true though. You are my son – but I am not sure I know you at all. I will not deny that it is my fault, too... You left your wife to move in with another woman and – no, please, let me finish – and I did not even suspect you were seeing somebody. I had no idea that you were unhappy." He shook his head."I want to get to know my son. The man he is – not just the Malfoy heir."

Draco narrowed his eyes. He could hardly believe what he was hearing. _Get to know him_?

"Are you serious?"

Their conversation was interrupted while the waiter served their scallops. Draco took a sip of his wine and watched his father intently. The wizard seemed different from the last time they had talked to each other, as if the recent events had afflicted him as well. He looked older in a way, but softer, too.

"What's happened to you?" he asked him.

"What do you mean?"

Draco shrugged. "You seem... I don't know. Different. I was just wondering..."

Once again he had to wait until his father deigned to answer. And when he did, it wasn't very satisfactory, either.

"I am not here to talk about myself. I came to listen to you..."

"You want me to talk about things that have never been of any interest for you before without telling me why?" Draco shifted in his seat, feeling uncomfortable with this whole conversation.

"I will tell you. But I want to hear about you first. I would really like to know about you and your butterfly."

"My butterfly?"

"Your new – ?" the older wizard looked at him inquiringly.

"You want me to tell you about Larissa? What for? So you can scare her away? Don't even think about it! Don't you dare!"

"That is not what..."

"Leave her alone! She..."

"I do not want to intimidate her! Draco..." Lucius hissed, careful not to attract attention. "...I just want to know... Are you happy now? Does she make you happy?"

The younger man hesitated, carefully inspecting his scallop, apparently contemplating his answer. He didn't say a word for a long time, only threw covered glances at his father from time to time. What did he want? Why was he suddenly so interested in his life? Lucius had never bothered with these things before...

Finally he swallowed and answered softly, "She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love her, father, I love her more than anything. Don't ruin this for me. Please."

Lucius smiled at his son's whispered pleas. "That is good to hear. I have no intention of ruining it for you."

They fell back into silence, both men attacking the second course of their meal without much appetite. Finally Draco spoke up again.

"Why do you want to know about her?"

"Because you love her. Is that not enough of a reason for your father to want to know at least some things about her?"

Draco's fingers clenched around his cutlery. He wanted to tell his father about her, craved his approval and understanding. But at the same time... What if he rejected her? Draco took a deep breath. "She's wonderful. Smart and funny and compassionate. She doesn't give a damn about who I am or how much money I have. She isn't one to be intimidated, and she is the most beautiful woman I've ever met..."

Once again he hesitated, nervously playing with his cutlery, but finally decided to continue. He needed to trust his father. "She's also pregnant..."

"Pregnant?"

"She... She told me last week. I didn't leave Astoria because Larissa is pregnant. I didn't even know when I left her. I really didn't. It was not the reason... I—I just could not stay with Astoria."

Much to his surprise, his father smiled; perhaps rather hesitantly, but a true, genuine smile nonetheless. Draco slumped in his seat, relieved. He hadn't even realised how much his father's acceptance would mean to him.

"That's wonderful news, Draco. When will I meet my future daughter-in-law?"

He smirked while his son choked on his food, dabbing his mouth with the serviette before answering.

"What? Daughter-in-law? I am not even divorced yet..."

Lucius' grin widened. "Calm yourself, Draco. But still. When can I meet her?"

"Uhm... I don't know..."

"How about brunch? On Sunday. You two can come over to the Manor."

"The Manor? You want me to expose my pregnant girlfriend to my soon to be ex-wife? Are you serious?" His son stared at him wide eyed. Had the man gone mad? Did he know Astoria at all?

"Astoria will not be there. She is still at the cottage."

"I – we - will think about it. I'll let you know. How is Astoria? It seemed as if you were in touch with her regularly."

"I am. I see her and Scorpius every day. The little man is missing you. And Astoria... She is distraught. But she will be fine eventually. It just takes time for her to accept that you will not come back. She really is fond of you. But she is even fonder of her social standing. She will not cause you trouble with the divorce."

Draco nodded. Mulling the situation over in his head, he hesitated to ask about the one thing that had preoccupied his mind for quite some time. Finally he decided that this was as good a time as any to address the touchy subject. "What about the prenuptial agreement? I must admit, I didn't really read it at the time..."

His father merely nodded, as if not surprised at all: "I will offer her one of the secondary houses to live in with Scorpius. Obviously you will have to pay alimony and child support. The prenuptial agreement guarantees her a monetary compensation amounting to the dowry multiplied by the years of marriage, a house with two personal elves and a monthly allowance of 2 000 Galleons.

"In case she decides to remarry, the monthly allowance will be abandoned, but it will be up to you to pay for her dowry as well as the wedding."

Lucius sighed and shook his head. "This divorce will put a strain on your finances – but it's feasible."

Draco bit his lip. This was more money than he had expected. Although, now that he thought about it, it wasn't really astonishing. "What about Scorpius? I know that she has the right to keep him until he's older. Do I have visitation rights?"

"The agreement is rather... conservative, let's say. He will stay at his mother's until he is six, after that he will live with you. Before that, you can see him on high holidays as well as family celebrations. Other than that... It all depends on Astoria..."

Draco groaned.

"...but don't worry, I am confident that we will find a better solution. She might play that card to get more money out of you – but the woman I got to know over the last few days won't keep you away from your child. She is not that callous."

"Why do you know my prenuptial agreement better than I?"

"It's the standard Malfoy contract. Although... I don't think it has ever been put into effect. At least not in the last hundred years."

"You actually read the hundreds of pages when you got married?" his son asked in a baffled tone of voice.

"No."

"Then how..."

"I read it later on."

"Why?"

"I had my reasons, Draco."

The younger man pushed his plate away and leaned back. He watched his father intently. He seemed lost in thought, as if remembering something. Or maybe –

"You! You wanted to divorce mother! You had a woman you wanted to leave her for... the one you called_ butterfly_!"

Lucius shook his head and smiled. "It doesn't matter. Not anymore."

"Who? Do I know her?"

"I don't want to talk about her." the wizard's voice had a sound that made his unwillingness to answer very clear. But his son wasn't satisfied.

"I told you about Larissa."

"Only after you left your wife. And I am not with her anymore. Leave it, Draco. It would only tarnish her reputation. I will not do that to her."

"You loved her!" Draco stated half matter-of-factly, half amazed.

"It does not matter."

"No... You didn't love her—you still do! Am I right? Who was she... Tell me, father."

He watched as Lucius' eyes flickered over to another table. The young wizard moved his gaze over to the table that had been abandoned by the Potthead and his friends earlier. Lucius forlorn expression said it all.

"The Weaselette? Potthead's wife? By Merlin and all the good gods! You seduced Arthur Weasley's little angel! Oh yes, I definitely see how that would have caused a scandal... For heaven's sake, please tell me I am wrong!"

Lucius didn't answer but instead opted for paying the bill that had magically appeared on the table.

Draco made a face. "Oh father... That's almost indecent! She's younger than I am. Not to mention you almost killed her when she was a child..."

He followed his father as he rose from the table and couldn't help but snigger once the initial shock had worn off. When he reached him, Lucius had already left the restaurant, and he fell into a comfortable pace next to him.

"Was it before or after she had her kids? I mean she has huge... _assets_... but they are bound to have sagged by now. I doubt she can go without a bra nowadays."

His rant earned him an irritated look from his father, who was obviously not amused by his childish antics. With a grin he decided to divert the attention from his father's _love interest._ So he continued light heartedly: "But if you ask me, it's Granger who's the hotter bird between the two... I have seen her in Muggle jeans a few times. Don't tell Larissa, but that woman has an arse to die for. She seemed a bit thin, though. I wonder..."

Draco's senseless wittering was stopped short when his father shoved him hard against the wall in an alleyway, the wand pressed into his throat.

"Stop. Talking. About. Her. Arse. She is not a piece of meat."

"What? Oh come on, it's Granger. Even you will have to admit that she's more than easy on the eye!"

Lucius narrowed his eyes enraged. "I told you to stop talking about her that way!"

The young wizard's jaw dropped in disbelief

"Granger!?" he whispered with growing realisation_._

His father lowered his wand and turned away tiredly. "Leave it alone, Draco. The story is firmly in the past. I am married and so is she. It is over."

"You had an affair with _Hermione Granger_?"

Draco took his father's silence as confirmation. After the initial shock had passed, Draco raised himself up and spoke with conviction.

"Did she make you happy?" He had to raise his voice so that Lucius could hear him. He saw him stop and turn slightly.

"_She is the best thing that ever happened to me._" Lucius mirrored Draco's answer from earlier. He sighed. "Come on. Let's go for a drink..."

~*~*~*~*~*

"This is to you – becoming a father again. Cheers, Draco."

"Cheers. I still can't believe you didn't go wild at the news... I thought you'd be angry at the prospect of a Malfoy being born out of wedlock. Not to mention the baby not being a pureblood..."

"That would make me a hypocrite, don't you think?" Lucius swirled his drink slowly in his glass.

"Never stopped you before..." Draco mumbled into his drink. "Is Granger the reason you didn't make a big fuss about Larissa being a half-blood?"

Lucius sighed and answered tiredly:"Hermione changed my views about a lot of things. It was inevitable."

"How long were you and Granger..."

"Not long enough. But it hardly matters anymore."

Draco knew his father didn't want to talk about it. He could see it clearly in the way he sat in his chair, and how he held his drink. He himself didn't feel quite comfortable either, but he simply had to know, couldn't leave it lie just like that. This story seemed too important.

"Why didn't you divorce mother? I mean, it's obvious you still have feelings for Granger. And you... I mean, you read the prenup..."

"Oh please, Draco. What would a witch like Hermione want with me in the long run? She is young, brilliant, well liked. It would not have worked out, even if I had left Narcissa."

"So you left her? Because it wouldn't have worked out?" Draco's voice carried more than a bit of disbelief.

"No. She left me. Happy now?"

"Ouch. Karma is a bitch." He paused, watching his father intently. "So you still love her?"

Lucius shook his head tiredly, but his eyes betrayed the truth. "I really do not want to talk about this, Draco. She was very important to me. I loved her, but it is of no importance if I still do."

"That would be a yes then..." Still scrutinizing his father like an exotic bug, he continued, "What are you planning to do, then?"

"Nothing, Draco. She left me. And with good reason, I might add." Lucius downed the remainders of his drink and signalled the waiter to bring the next.

"You are telling me that you will let that grubby Weasley paw all over the woman you love for the rest of your life? You will not fight for her?"

"I was making her miserable, Draco. If she has a chance of being happy with somebody else, then so be it. I refuse to stand in her way. I love her too much to let my selfish wishes bring her down. As long as he makes her happy, he has my blessing. It was her choice. _He_ was her choice. And I have to accept that."

Draco leant back in his chair with a calculating look on his face. He had rarely seen his father so resigned, it didn't resemble him at all. But then – neither did the sincerity of their conversation. He could not recall a situation in which his father had been so open about his private affairs – and thus never so vulnerable either.

He had known about his father having other women on the side since running into him and one of his paramours at the age of sixteen, when he had returned home ahead of schedule. The situation had been highly embarrassing for all involved, especially since the woman had been one of his mother's friends. But his father and the bookworm? Who'd have thought? Draco had always taken him for somebody who preferred his lovers beautiful but dumb—not exactly things he attributed to Granger.

This whole evening with his father had been bizarre—at the very least. Their encounter had been far better than he had anticipated, that was for sure. But bizarre? Hell, yes.

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A/N: You know what comes now... Reviews? Please?


	7. In Memoriam

I have been nominated for the Dramione Awards with in the category Best Mid-Length my story _The Escort_!I feel very honoured, and am really proud and happy about this nomination.

I would like to encourage all of you to go and vote – first in the seconding phase and later in the final round. I'd be happy if you voted for my story, obviously, but if there is another one you like better, that's fine. There are a lot of really nice stories, it's worth reading and voting! A complete list of the nominees can be found here: .com/dramione_awards/

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**Laurielove ** has been my fabulous beta and friend again, thank you!

And now on with the story. I hope this early update makes up for the long wait last time. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, no money is made...

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**In Memoriam**

Lucius put the _Daily Prophet_ down wearily. Since the separation of Hermione and Ronald Weasley had become known a few days ago, there was no other topic in the papers. _Witch Weekly_ had even published a special edition, stating that Hermione had caught her husband red-handed with another woman.

It wasn't something he was inclined to believe, because although he held no sympathy whatsoever for the man, he knew that the redhead was devoted to his wife. It was written all over his face each time he looked at her. Only a fool would think that he'd cheat at her. But then again, people were stupid fools—and when they had the opportunity to gossip, they'd gladly do so.

He carefully folded the paper and put it next to Astoria's _CosmoWitch _for her to read. She usually skipped the finance section but liked to read the society pages and skimmed cursorily over the politics part, too.

When he looked up, he couldn't help but smile at the sight of Scorpius. The boy had fallen asleep on the rug, knees drawn under his body so his nappy clad bottom stuck up in the air. Lucius got up and picked the sleeping child up from the ground to take him to bed. It was time for his afternoon nap, after all. He carefully climbed the narrow stairs and entered Scorpius' and Astoria's room. His daughter-in-law didn't move from where she stood in front of her small vanity, but watched his reflection in the mirror.

The wizard put the child into the cot that stood next to his mother's bed and tucked him in. He then proceeded to close the curtains and motioned Astoria to follow him.

"He fell asleep on the floor. I thought he might sleep better in his bed."

Astoria laughed softly. "Yes, he does that a lot. But if I try to put him to bed when he starts getting cranky..."

"Draco was just the same. Like father, like son, I suppose." Lucius turned toward her. "Would you like a cup of tea? I will have to leave, soon, but I wanted to talk to you first."

"Yes, that would be lovely."

She followed Lucius into the kitchen and sat down at the table while he prepared everything. His grace amazed her every time she watched him. He had the fluid movements of a professional ballet dancer—although she doubted that he would appreciate the comparison.

"I have prepared one of the country homes for you and Scorpius." Lucius voice pulled her out of her reverie. "You can move in whenever you want."

"I—I thought..." Astoria bit her lip.

"Yes?"

"Can't I stay here?"

"The cottage is hardly suitable for you. Even when it is only you and Scorpius it will be too small. And you could never invite your friends over. Could you imagine your sister or Pansy Nott sitting at the kitchen table having tea?"

"No. But I mean...I just thought that..." Astoria stammered. "Maybe we could add an extension?"

She didn't want to leave. She liked the cottage in some way and enjoyed Lucius' company even more. If she were to leave, she didn't know if he would still come to see her. To be honest, the fact that he obviously felt obliged to look after her while she lived in the cottage was probably the main reason she wanted to stay. She would love to have the comfort of a manor and house elves again, but if that meant that the ties she had begun to form with him would be severed...

"No." The wizard shook his head resolutely. "That is out of question. The cottage will stay exactly as it is. If you change as much as the colour of the curtains you will find yourself out of this door immediately."

The young witch recoiled at his callous words. Although their long talks had made it quite obvious that he was still infatuated with Hermione Granger, she would never have thought that he'd react so badly to such an innocent question. Tears pooled in her eyes, and she did her best to hide them from Lucius.

He sighed. "I am sorry, Astoria. I didn't mean to hurt you. But this cottage is all I have left from my time with her. And even though I rarely visit, I cannot stand the idea of changing something. Anything.

"I brought you here because it is calm and secluded, because it always brought me peace of mind. But you cannot stay here forever. It was meant to be a getaway for you, to give you space. I will not give this house to you to live in. You can choose any of the secondary Malfoy estates to live in. But not this one."

He got up and left the kitchen through the back door. What was she thinking? He had told her so much about Hermione, how could she possibly think that he'd give up on this cottage? That he'd give it to her just because...

Why exactly? Why did she want to stay here? It didn't make sense. It didn't have the emotional significance for her that it held for him. By her standards it should be too small a place, too ascetic to live in. He even wondered how she had been able to do so for as long as she had.

At the edge of the cliffs he stopped. He had often stood here with Hermione. She loved to watch the sea, especially when it was agitated. Sometimes he had had to drag her into the house when a storm approached and he had feared that the wind might blow her over the edge. Her fascination with the elements had always astonished him—until she left him. After that he could understand what drew her to it, the movements of the water were calming his agitated mind, like a lullaby would a child.

*~*~*~*~*~

Hermione approached the little cottage slowly. It looked exactly the way she remembered. Somebody seemed to have taken care of her garden; the flowers blooming nicely in the beds she had worked so hard on. She stopped hesitantly. She wasn't too sure what she was doing here. Was this really a good idea? It had been years since she had been here, maybe Lucius had even sold the property.

Her eyes grazed over the house once again. It looked inhabited, although she couldn't see anyone around. When they had used it for their getaways, it had always looked—empty—when they arrived. Like a holiday home or something similar. Which it had been in a way. Without even realising, she stepped closer until she reached the picket-fence. It looked as if it had received a new coat of paint recently.

With her hand resting on the wood, she took a closer look, trying to make out if somebody was home. She waited for some time, but when she didn't see anybody, she decided to enter the garden. The wards seemed to be unchanged, so she thought it improbable that Lucius had sold it.

She avoided the path with the decorative white pebbles that led around the house, opting to walk on the lawn instead. Hermione took a deep breath, she had missed the scent of the sea. Somehow, nothing compared to how it smelled here. No matter how many times she went to the seaside, there was always something amiss. Only here did the wind carry a vast number of happy memories with it.

Everything here was loaded with memories, but for the first time in years, they did not fill her with regrets. Her time with Lucius hadn't been easy, but she refused to regret what they had had. They hadn't lasted, and thinking of it still hurt. But she knew that she was mending, slowly crawling out of the hole she had buried herself in years ago.

Hermione closed her eyes and turned her face towards the sun. Tennyson had written that it was better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all. But she sometimes wondered if he was right. Love was a life changing experience, and while she agreed with his reasoning to a certain extent, she couldn't help but wonder - if she had not loved Lucius, would she have been happy with Ron? Or with somebody else? Hadn't her experience with him spoilt her for everyone else?

She sighed heavily. She didn't know and never would. Because the fact was that she had loved Lucius. She still did, no matter how hard she tried to forget. Hermione wrapped her arms about herself and continued her way around the house.

When she finally reached the corner and rounded it, she stopped dead in her tracks at the sight in front of her.

*~*~*~*~*~

"Lucius?" the wizard felt a small hand on his shoulder and turned away from his view reluctantly.

"I am sorry," he said and looked at his daughter-in-law.

"I know," she whispered.

She reached up, hugging him against her. He had been so kind to her, the only one to consider her feelings in the things that had happened during these last few weeks. And he was so handsome. She had been denied adult human contact for too long now. Surely, one kiss ... she was a woman after all. He had liked Hermione - could he not like her?

Lucius closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled the scent of her hair. She was a lovely woman, soft and warm in his arms. For a moment his mind faltered, his body weakened ... but she was not her and he couldn't help longing for her alone.

The wizard turned his head away from her soft hair and cupped her cheek tenderly. He stroked her with his finger, smiling sadly. As if he had read her thoughts he said gently, "This situation is not good for you. Or for me. I cannot be what you apparently want me to be. And you certainly cannot be what I need." He sighed and held her close as her tears started weeping through his shirt.

He let his eyes drift over the garden and to the cottage. Everything seemed to freeze when he saw a small, forlorn figure standing next to it. She was staring at them in horror. Even from that distance he could see the hurt in her eyes. Then she seemed to come to her senses and turned around quickly. With a last glance over her shoulder she vanished around the corner, more running than walking.

"Hermione..." He broke free from Astoria's embrace and moved quickly towards her. But when he turned the corner, he arrived just in time to see her disappearing in front of the garden fence with a _'pop'_. He leaned heavily against the white wall of the cottage, desperation searing through him. What had she seen? And what would she make of it? Would she believe that he was conducting some sort of affair with Astoria?

He swore loudly and returned to the garden. His daughter-in-law didn't seem to be shaken by what had just happened. She didn't even look apologetic. She just stood there, her face emotionless just as she had been taught since she was a little girl.

"Do you have an idea what you did, Astoria? Do you have the slightest clue what you just did?" he shouted at her, taking her shoulders and shaking her.

He was so angry. What had he done that the Gods hated him so much? Why did the one woman he loved come around the corner when he was consoling another? Had they decided that he needed to be punished for every single bad deed he had ever done? He released Astoria and entered the cottage.

Waving his wand forcefully, he packed her and Scorpius' belongings in a matter of minutes. Without stopping, he cleaned the kitchen with a careless charm. He worked his way through the house, erasing every trace of the presence of another woman than Hermione out of his house. Out of his home. Lucius felt like a man obsessed, the need to purge the cottage running hot through his veins.

When he arrived in his bedroom he sat down heavily on the bed, his face hidden in his hands. He had thought before that his situation couldn't possibly deteriorate, but he had been wrong. Not only had he chased Hermione away once again, but seeing her now, after her separation, had made it clear for him that he still wanted her. Probably more than ever before.

Lucius recalled how she looked... She had seemed tired and pale – more so than at the ball. He hadn't even realised how much he had internalised the way she had looked that day a few weeks ago. Back then, she hadn't looked too happy, but certainly better than now. She was very thin, too, Draco had been spot on with his observation. Her weight loss was probably due to her separation, Lucius mused.

He cursed bitterly, and in a way that certainly did not befit a Malfoy. He didn't care though, because all he could think about were her eyes. Wide and shining, surprise and pain evident in them. She had always been the one to wear her heart on her sleeve, not able to hide her emotions as well as he.

When he heard timid steps in front of his door, he looked up with a sigh. He saw Astoria standing there, biting her lip, trying to hide her insecurity. "I...I am sorry." She started slowly but stopped, not knowing what else to say.

A/N: So... Did you like it? Let me know! The review button is just below!

"I know." He sighed again. "But what you have to know is, that there will never be somebody able to take her place. Nobody who I will give this cottage to. You are my daughter-in-law, and I like and respect you very much. But I have no, and never will have any, romantic feelings towards you. You are my son's soon to be ex-wife, the mother of my grandchild. I will always be there for you. But do not try to claim what is hers."

Lucius watched her until she finally nodded. She seemed reluctant, hugging herself fiercely. He then stood up and led her towards the stairs, ready to leave. He had already let her stay too long. It might have been the wrong decision to bring her here from the start. But it had been the one place he had thought of as comforting, and untraceable, too. Now she had to leave. Even if the damage was already done.

*~*~*~*~*~

"No, I tell you Daphne... He's much more sensitive than you'd think."

"Oh come on Astoria! It's Lucius Malfoy we're talking about!" Daphne Zabini, nee Greengrass huffed unbelievingly and continued to browse through the row of books that were displayed in front of her.

"Well, you don't have to agree," her sister pouted. "But I tell you, he's a real romantic at heart. He just doesn't show it. Plus he's gorgeous."

"That, I can agree on. He certainly doesn't look his age."

"So true," Astoria sighed. "And the cottage... Let me tell you..."

In the next aisle Hermione slammed a thick tome of the last _Encyclopaedia Magica_ shut. She had heard enough and refused to torture herself by listening to this stupid pureblood any longer. How she wished she had never gone to the cottage. What had she hoped to find there? An empty house, devoid of what it had once been to her? Or even more, maybe she had hoped to find Lucius torn and sad because he regretted letting her go? Gods, who had she been kidding!

She put the book back into its place – it was too expensive anyway. Although Ron encouraged her to spend as much of his money as she wanted, she would feel guilty if she abused his generosity. She had to admit that it felt rather good to know that she could count on him, and that she didn't have to take some stupid job. But that didn't mean that she shouldn't keep an eye on her personal expenses anyway, did it?

Although she wanted to leave, Hermione couldn't move. Instead she stayed put and listened to the sisters talking.

"The house is where he used to take his mistress. He told me all about it. She was... She was a muggleborn..."

Daphne gasped audibly at this news.

"Who would have thought that Lucius Malfoy, muggle hater extraordinary would fall for a mudblood!"

"Shush, Daphne... Don't use that word in public!"

"Don't be such a sissy... But I am not interested in her anyway. Tell me, what happened between the two of you? As I understand it, there are only two bedrooms in the cottage? With you and Scorpius, that's two... So where did he sleep when he stayed over? I don't see him as somebody who'd sleep at the sofa!"

"Don't be silly, of course he didn't! He's such a romantic... Don't mock me Daphne! You weren't there! The things he told me... He certainly has a way with words!"

Hermione couldn't listen any longer. It was too hard to hear another woman talking in such a way about the man she loved. It was obvious that he had moved on. She hadn't really doubted it before, but since she had seen him with his daughter-in-law in the garden... _Her garden..._ How could she deny any longer what she had known for so long? She didn't need Astoria inadvertently telling her in every detail what had happened between them.

She left the bookshop in a hurry. _How could he?_ She fumed. _How could he take his new...paramour...there? To the place she had so many fond memories of?_ She was floored by the cruelty of it, although she had to admit that he probably hadn't done it to hurt her. He had never done that. Still, she had thought that he valued their time more than that. She had believed that he wouldn't take anybody else there. But obviously she had been wrong. Maybe she had misjudged his feelings for her even more than she had thought...

_I hold it true, whate'er befall;  
I feel it, when I sorrow most;  
'Tis better to have loved and lost  
Than never to have loved at all_.

In Memoriam - Alfred Lord Tennyson

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A/N: So, did you like it? Hit the review button to let me know!


	8. Dreams

I know it has been a bit over a week again – but not too much, right? I believe that this chapter is worth the wait, and I certainly hope you, my dear readers, agree. Smut ahead... Have fun!

**Disclaimer:** All not mine, and I don't make money...

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**Dreams**

_He had taken her to a little cottage he owned. Well, he owned it now. He had bought it for them, actually, but he wasn't about to let her know this. He hadn't wanted their first time to be in a hotel, or the tiny flat she lived in._

_The look on her face said it all. She loved it. The house had a thatched roof, and was placed near the cliffs, overlooking the sea. Rose bushes were planted around the house and a waist high hedge bordered the garden. The lawn was short and looked well maintained ._

_The walls were white, with an array of small windows letting in the light. The cottage had only two stories; a ground floor with a kitchen and a living room as well as a cloakroom and the first floor with two small bedrooms and a full bathroom._

"_This is lovely, Lucius!"_

_He smiled and opened the door with a whispered spell. He held it open for her and watched as she stepped over the threshold. The interior was simple enough in his eyes. High quality, of course, but due to the tiny size of the house, kept to a minimum. _

_Her eyes swept over the comfortable looking sofa and the armchair, taking in the colourful rug that covered the wooden floor. Everything looked new and expensive, and still... homely. She smiled up at her companion and was glad to find him smiling back._

"_So, are you going to show me around or do you want to stay standing here forever?" she asked with a cheeky smile._

"_Of course, darling. Leave your bag here, we will get it later for you. You have already seen the living room... This is the kitchen... Small, but with everything we could possibly need. The pantry is stocked, too._

"_Then, there is a toilet down the hallway behind the stairs, but let us go upstairs. That is where the bedrooms are..." he nuzzled her neck._

"_Several bedrooms? As in one for you and one for me?" she teased him as he led her up the stairs._

"_If you wish ... Although I had imagined it otherwise, I have to admit." he raised his brow and hid a smile._

"_Hum... I'll have to think about it, I guess."_

_After what felt like an eternity to Hermione, they finally reached the main bedroom. Earlier that day, he had put an array of finely scented candles in it, that had lit by themselves when he opened the door downstairs. He just figured that she would be the type for candles..._

_He knew that he was right when he saw the look of awe on her face. She quickly turned towards him, flung her arms around his neck and kissed him tenderly. Her eyes glossy, she whispered, "Thank you, Lucius. This is... Nobody has ever done anything like this for me before."_

"_In that case, it is high time ."_

_He kissed her back and started slowly to unbutton the light cardigan she was wearing. She was such a petite woman, so beautiful. He hadn't even known he liked small and slim, brunette women. He'd always thought that he was one for tall, willowy and blonde. But now he held the complete opposite in his arms, he couldn't imagine a woman more beautiful._

_His mouth glided down to her neck, fondling it tenderly by planting small kisses on every inch of skin he could reach. He was now opening the little buttons of her blouse, one after the other revealing the most delightful little package of feminine flesh he had seen for a long time._

_When she was finally standing in front of him only in her underwear, he couldn't help but admire the sight. Her bra and knickers were made of delicate, midnight blue lace, beautifully accentuating her gentle curves. Her skin was as white as fresh milk, without any blemish on it and so very soft..._

_She smiled up at him nervously when he didn't say anything and tried to cover herself up with her hands._

"_Do not cover yourself, Hermione. You are beautiful, you have nothing to hide." _

_He carefully started to open the buttons of his own shirt, never leaving her from his sight. After a few seconds, small fingers joined his, and helped him divest himself. When he was in a similar state of undress she was in, he led her back to the bed. He made her lie down and took up the exploration he had started earlier again._

_He started at her cleavage, following the soft swell of her breasts down to the lace of her bra, tasting, licking and kissing her skin. His lips and hands searched out her nipples through the soft material, and when he found them, he teased them merciless until they were hard, puckered tips. He unhooked the bra and threw it to the side before he continued his feast. She moaned lowly, and he couldn't help but smile. She was so responsive, to make love to her, make her come and scream his name would be delightful._

_Down her ribcage he planted a number of small kisses, stopping for a moment to explore and fondle her belly button in more detail. She sighed, lost in the feelings he was causing. Her legs had fallen open, only a small scrap of lace between his mouth and what he wanted to taste so much. He could already smell her arousal, sweet and tangy at the same time._

_Lucius hooked his fingers under the hem of her panties and carefully slid them down her legs. She tried shyly to close her legs, but he would have none of this. He pried them apart tenderly, kissing his way from her knee up to her thigh, where he found the treasure he had been looking for. He inhaled her scent deeply, before he placed his mouth on her moist pussy._

_Hermione took in a sharp breath at the feeling of his lips on the most intimate part of her body. When his tongue slid out of his mouth and along her slit, teasing the little bundle of nerves that sat on top of it, her head fell back and every coherent thought was gone from her mind. All she was aware of was this feeling he evoked in her. The lapping and teasing of his tongue, how his finger gently opened up her sex, so he could reach every spot with his lips..._

_She felt an unknown heat build in her body, a sheen of sweat covered her skin. When he slid a finger inside her and sucked her clit carefully, she wasn't sure she could take this anymore. It felt glorious, but all too much. She tried to get away from his mouth, while at the same time longing for the friction he caused. But he was having none of it. He held her in place, denying her the chance of escape._

"_Lucius... Lucius, please. I am not sure I can... Oh... Please..." she sobbed incoherently. _

_But he didn't listen, only continued to torture her so deliciously, his finger and tongue gliding in and out of her, lapping at her juices. His other hand still held her in place, and she could feel a pressure mounting inside her belly, the heat all consuming... until... until it exploded in a multitude of colours and the heat washed over her in waves._

_She went rigid, her toes curling in pleasure, her whole body arching off the bed and into his mouth, into his touch. She couldn't think, couldn't talk, only feel... When she was finally able to open her eyes again, she saw him still between her thighs, smiling up at her. He slowly kissed his way up her body, causing tingling aftershocks to course through her._

_He kissed her mouth tenderly, and she had to grimace at the taste of herself on his lips. But her discomfort quickly disappeared as he continued stroking and fondling her with his hands all the while ravishing her mouth._

_They lay next to each other for some time, Hermione fully sated, eyes closed and a small smile on her lips. This had been different from every experience she had had before. She had never had an orgasm before. Not in her shy attempts to touch herself, nor with the one man—well, boy—she had slept with. It had been pleasant enough, she supposed, but never like this._

_When Lucius shifted slightly, she could feel his arousal pressed against her thigh. Her eyes flew open, and she stared into his grey ones, smiling down at her._

"_Satisfied, darling?" he asked with a laugh in his voice. It was very obvious that he was all too pleased with himself._

"_That was... incredible. I... wow."_

"_Hmmm..."_

"_Can I... I mean how can I..."_

"_Reciprocate?" _

_Hermione nodded and bit her lip. She was not sure she'd be able to give him what he had given her. But she certainly wanted to try..._

"_Take my cock in your mouth... I want to see your pretty lips wrapped around it. Please..."_

"_I've never... I am not sure how..."_

"_You'll be perfect. I'll explain it to you as you go. Come on, darling, put it in your mouth..."_

_The girl slowly slid between his legs and lowered her head over his proudly erect penis. It seemed so large, she wasn't sure how she would fit it in her mouth. She knew that other women did this, too, so it must work, but she really didn't see how!_

_She grabbed the base of his prick carefully, not wanting to hurt him. _

"_You can squeeze it harder if you want to. It is sensitive, but not that sensitive."_

_She nodded and repositioned herself carefully between his legs. She could feel him twitch between her fingers. He was probably growing impatient, he wasn't used to this careful and uncertain fumbling, she supposed. Shyly, she bent down deeper and touched the head of his cock with her tongue._

_She could hear him hiss and took it as encouragement. Carefully she licked around his glans and noted happily that his breathing hitched. It was all the encouragement she needed, and she closed her lips around him, enveloping him in the hot, wet heat of her mouth._

"_Yeees... Exactly like that, my dear... now, suck my prick as if it was a lollipop. Glide down, and keep that wicked little tongue of yours moving..."_

_He had one hand placed at her neck, keeping her long, brown locks from falling into her face. He watched enthralled how her lips glided down his rigid flesh, still shy and careful but so eager to please. Her pink tongue peeked out of her mouth for a moment, and he let out a low moan at the sight._

_Oh, he had had more refined lovers, more experienced ones. But this girl was so innocent, it was incredibly hot. He'd never have thought that the careful fondling of an absolute beginner could turn him rock hard. His prick hit the back of her mouth, and he could feel her gag for a second and then draw back. With his hand in her hair, he kept her gently from withdrawing completely._

_Hermione looked up at him, and he could see tears forming in her eyes. He took the gentle pressure away from her head, giving her the chance to move away, but she didn't. He smiled._

"_You're doing so well... You will get used to it. The need to gag will diminish, I promise. It's all a question of—training." _

_Again he could feel her tongue swirling around his shaft. She was so eager... How could a man possibly resist her?_

"_Your hands... use your hands, too. Let them follow the movement of your mouth. You can caress me at the same time you suck my... my..."_

_She did as told, and he moaned again. Had anybody ever said that there was anything wrong with obedient students? She was perfection... First in her abandon and now in her uncertain but enthusiastic attempt at fellatio. _

_It seemed that Hermione had waited all her life to learn how to pleasure a man orally. It was so easy for her to interpret the hitches in his breath, the moans and the way he put encouraging pressure on her head when he especially liked what she was doing. She twirled her tongue slowly around his glans, finding a spot just beneath that seemed to be extremely sensitive to her caresses._

_She rubbed her tongue against it, and her theory proved true when she heard him hiss low, "Witch! Do that again..."_

_She complied happily, and then continued to slide down his cock slowly, tightening the pressure of her hands and her lips around him. One hand, she slid deeper, to explore his balls carefully. They were drawn to his body, tight and apparently very sensitive, because he moaned again and thrust his prick up into her mouth._

_Again her eyes watered, but she resisted the urge to draw back. Only when the need to breathe became too much, did she rais her head to take a deep breath. Her eyes met with Lucius', and she was stunned by the emotion and wonder they held. He grabbed her by her shoulders and yanked her up to him, kissing her forcefully and passionately until they were both breathless._

_He flipped her over on her back, and trapped her under his body. With both arms propped up next to her head, he kissed her again. Hermione's legs came up around his waist automatically, trying to draw him as close as possible. _

_She could feel his manhood rubbing against her wet and pulsing sex, and longed for nothing more than to feel him inside her. Feel him stretch her and pound into her passionately. She slid her hand between their bodies and positioned him at her entrance. He smiled down at her and looked her in the eyes as he slid home in one fast thrust._

"_Merlin, witch..." Lucius drew in a shuddering breath and leant his front against hers, pressing his pelvis strongly into her. "Are you sure you have done this before? You're so..."_

_She squirmed under him, trying to escape. She couldn't take it if he mocked her now. _

"_Oh Gods, don't move Hermione... Give a man the chance to get adjusted! If you keep doing that, I'll be the only one to get pleasure from this!" _

_Hermione stared up at him, saw how the lust fogged his eyes and how heavily he panted, obviously trying to hold back. She relaxed. She wasn't sure what was up, but he was obviously not complaining about her lack of experience. Instead of worrying, she now concentrated on the feeling between her legs. She felt so... filled, and stretched. It was the best feeling she'd ever had. When she had been with her ex, it hadn't been like that. She should have known it would be different, Lucius had seemed bigger than him. Still..._

_Her thoughts were interrupted when the wizard above her started to move gently. He slowly retracted, until only the head of his cock remained in her. Hermione almost sighed in disappointment, until he pushed back in, further this time than before._

"_Oh..."_

_Her arms came up around his torso, hugging him close, while her pelvis rose to meet him in his movement. The feeling of him gliding in the depths of her womanhood was the sweetest stimulation imaginable. She arched her back, digging her feet into his buttocks, urging him to move faster._

_Lucius clenched his teeth. The woman was unbelievable. Tight and shy like a fifteen year old virgin (from what he remembered from his Hogwarts years), but with intuitive and natural movements that one could think she'd been doing this for years. He wasn't sure he'd last long, her body was just too sweet and accommodating. Her little cunt squeezed his cock so nicely, that he had to concentrate very hard not to come on the spot._

_He kissed her deeply and then nibbled gently down her neck, to where her pulse drummed forcefully under her skin. He sucked at the tender spot of flesh and heightened the speed with which he pumped in and out of her body. His orgasm was building inside his balls with full force, and he had every intention of taking her over the edge with him. He smiled when her pulse sped up at the same rhythm as his movements and her breathing became more and more ragged, small moans and sighs escaping her plump lips._

_After a few more strokes, he felt the tightening in his balls, knowing he'd come any second now. He ground his pelvis against her, trying to catch her clit, stimulate her as much as he could, when his orgasm washed over him with force._

_He felt her clench around him, her whole body shaking with the pleasure he was giving her. Her body arched into his, searching out as much closeness as possible. When the roaring in his ears abated, he could hear her panting beneath him, obviously coming down from her high, too._

_She opened her eyes shortly afterwards, her arms still tightly around him. He had never seen a more beautiful smile, when she breathlessly said, "That was the best... the most..."_

"_...extraordinary sex I have ever had."_

Hermione woke up slowly. Her sex was throbbing with desire, and she unconsciously turned to face Lucius. Her eyes flew open when she realised she was alone. It had been a dream, he wasn't there. He was never there when she woke up.

She turned around again and buried her face in the pillow. Hot tears escaped her eyes, as she willed herself to go back to sleep. It wouldn't be long before the children woke up. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't.

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the read! Let me know what you think!


	9. Lucius still loves you

I know, I know, it has been awfully long! I am so very sorry that I made you wait for such a long time, but alas, real life got in the way and my muse decided to go on a extended holiday. Must have been a round-the-world-trip if you ask me. She hasn't come back completely, so it might unfortunately take time between the updates, but I promise, this story is not abandoned and will be finished.

Also, I am very sorry that I didn't have the time to respond to all of your lovely reviews. It is rather difficult to keep track which one I answered and which one I haven't, so with my time being very limited at the moment, I just couldn't do it. You should know though, that all reviews are read and very much appreciated, your comments are part of what makes writing fanfiction so much fun. Please keep them coming, I love it when you let me know if you like the story.

As always, I'd like to thank my friend, beta and brit-picker **laurielove**, who has been helping me with my stories for a pretty long time now. Thank you!

And now... On with the story!

* * *

**Lucius still loves you**

"So you went to see him?" The psychiatrist crossed her legs and repositioned her notepad. It was obvious that Hermione's admission had not taken her by surprise.

"No. I went to see _the house_. Not him. I've missed the cottage almost as much as I missed Lucius. He was simply there."

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"How?"

"Well, doesn't it all boil down to the fact that you're unable to stay away from your ex-lover?" the other woman insisted.

"No, it doesn't. I wouldn't have gone had I known that he was there. Trust me, I could have done without the image of him and his daughter-in-law getting all lovey-dovey," Hermione answered testily. "I haven't sought him out since I left him – I find it hard to believe that that qualifies as _being unable to stay away from my ex-lover_."

"How did it make you feel to see him with another woman?"

"Oh, just great!" Hermione's answer oozed sarcasm.

The other witch cocked an eyebrow in a slightly condescending manner and waited for her patient to give an honest answer.

"For Circe's sake! It hurt like hell, all right? It felt like he was trying to cut my heart from my chest with a spoon!"

"Why do you feel the need to defend yourself?"

"I am not defensive!"

"Aren't you?"

"No!"

"The swearing, the aggressiveness... Wouldn't you call that defensive? What I would like to know is why you feel the need to act that way."

"I—I don't... Well, maybe I do. I feel stupid. Although I didn't go to the cottage to meet him, I—I probably... I might have hoped that... Oh, screw it," Hermione drew a shuddering breath. "I might have hoped that he'd be there. But certainly not with somebody else."

She bit her lip and shook her head. Her healer only continued to watch her without saying a thing.

"I know I have to let go. At least my head knows. But my heart is just screaming and aching. I thought that time would make it go away, that my marriage to Ron would change how I feel about Lucius.

"But all time did was dull the pain, like a knife stuck in a stab wound doesn't hurt as much after some time. And each time I saw him, it was as if somebody took that knife and twisted it a few times."

The other witch nodded sympathetically, but Hermione didn't buy it. Although this woman was a lot better than her previous therapist, Dr. Applebaum, she didn't like her much either. She shook her head, exasperated. Without looking at her healer she started gathering her things.

"You know what? I think _this_ doesn't work. You have this idea about me and my relationship with Lucius in your head — you judge me no matter what I say. I feel awful when I talk to you because I know that you think me stupid and naïve.

"But let me tell you: I am not.. I really don't see how you can help me, because everything you tell me, I already know. I've spent weeks telling you how I feel, why I did what I did — and what help have you been? None. This," Hermione made a sweeping gesture around the room, "is a waste of my husband's money. You can't help me."

"You might feel as if I wasn't helpful, but I have seen so much progress in you. In order to get help, you have to _want_ it, too. If you don't _want_ to let go, if you don't _intend _to change the way you're coping, then you never will.

"You can either choose to stay unhappy, longing for something that never was and never will be, or get on with your life. If you chose to stay unhappy, then you're right and all of this is a waste of both our time and your money. But if you want to be free, then I could be a great help to you. Think about it, Miss Granger.

"See you next week?"

Hermione shrugged non-committally and put on her cloak. She kept her head down as she left the practice, blinking away a few stray tears. _Was the woman right? Wasn't she trying hard enough? _She pondered these questions silently without paying much attention to her surroundings, her arms wrapped around herself.

She was so preoccupied with her own thoughts, that she almost ran straight into a man. "I'm sorry," she mumbled and was about to continue on her way when he stopped her abruptly, grabbing her arm.

"Granger?"

She looked up. "Ye... Malfoy?"

"It is you! I thought so. Are you okay? You look a fright – uhm - do you want to grab a cup of tea somewhere?

"What?"

"Tea? Would you care for a cup of tea?"

"I... What? Why would you want to have tea with me?"

Draco shrugged. "I don't know. We went to school together."

"And we used to hate each other. So I'll repeat myself although it makes me wonder if one of us is stupid: _Why would you want to have tea with me_?"

"Listen, I just... I thought that we... Maybe we could just start over?"

Hermione just continued to stare at him incredulously and then turned to walk away. She hadn't even taken two steps when Draco's voice called out again.

"I... I talked to my father... He told me..."

"What?" The witch whirled around.

"This is getting old, Granger. Can you say something else beside 'w_hat'_?" He smirked, once again on top of the game. When Hermione didn't say anything but only stared at him white-faced, he sighed. "He told me about the two of you. It was more of an accident, really. I just thought that maybe we could... You know?"

"You think I'd start an affair with you because your father and I... ? You disgust me! Why would you even want to have a relationship with me? You hate me!"

"No! I didn't mean anything like that! I just thought that maybe we could have tea, talk. I am in a committed relationship, thank you very much, Granger!"

"I... Oh. I'm sorry, I just thought... I'm sorry."

Draco sighed. "Well, I guess I deserve your mistrust. It's not as if I've ever given you a reason to think of me in a positive way. But I promise, I just want to have tea with you. I have no plans to embarrass you.

"I suppose there are a lot of things I should apologize for at some point. I've been thinking about it for a long time, so why not now? You probably know that I have been – starting a whole new life, so to say. It would be good to know that there is one less thing I never tried to make up for."

Hermione thought he looked honest, although she couldn't help but think that she was stupid for trusting him. He hadn't done anything to indicate that he really had changed. On the other hand, he hadn't done anything that indicated the opposite either. She eyed him warily. Was this part of some nefarious plot to humiliate her?

"I'm sure you read about my new girlfriend? There's a little detail that they haven't found out yet. Larissa isn't a pure-blood."

"And you're telling me this because — ?"

"I thought... I just... Oh well. Look, if you don't want to talk to me, fine, have it your way. But for the record: I was making a real effort here. I thought that we could try to leave behind what happened when we were younger.

"After all, you seem to have forgiven my father. And wasn't what he did worse? I have come to realise that I was a terribly cruel child. But that's all I was. A misled, spoilt child with a cruel streak who delighted in making others cry. He, on the contrary, was an adult. He should have known better. So if you've forgiven him for his past deeds, why won't you even hear me out?

"I am sorry for the things I did and said to you. I truly am. But I can't take it back. All I can do is try to make amends for it now."

They were silent for a moment. Hermione watched him with a mixture of curiosity and anger.

"You were hardly a child, Malfoy. You were a young adult, just as we were, old enough to think for yourself."

"I was wrong, terribly wrong even. I know that now. But how was I supposed to know back then? It was all I knew, it was what I had learned on my parents' knees, it was what my friends had learned. Do you honestly believe that if you had been in my situation you would have acted any differently?

"Tell me Hermione, how was I supposed to know better? Would _you_ believe a sweets-eating, nutty old headmaster over the people you love most?"

The young woman bit her lip and shook her head hesitantly. "No." she whispered, "I suppose you are right. I probably wouldn't..."

"_How can I less believe in my forefathers_

_Than thou in thine. How can I ask of thee_

_To own that thy forefathers falsified_

_In order to yield mine the praise of truth_."*

"What?" Hermione jerked violently, not sure she had heard correctly.

Draco grinned and waved his hand disparagingly. "Rehabilitation class. Mandatory for former Death Eaters. They make us read all kinds of Muggle literature – and then some more."

"And deliver a lot of arguments to excuse yourself at the same time, it would seem." the witch replied but softened her statement with a smile. "I am astonished they make you read Lessing, though. It was on my list of recommended works, obviously, but I never thought they'd actually follow through with it."

"_You_'reresponsible for our syllabus? Well that certainly explains a lot!"

"_No_! I am not! The Ministry simply asked me for a list of appropriate literature, and I drew one up. Listen... Does your offer to have tea still stand? I have – uhm – forty minutes left until I have to pick up my children at their grandmother's."

"Yeah. There's this small café down the street where they sell all kinds of sandwiches and cakes. How does that sound to you?"

"Perfect. Come on then, let's go."

They made their way to the café in silence, both deep in thought. Hermione had the impression that they earned some curious stares on their way, but that could have been her imagination, too. Nowadays people were usually too busy with their own lives to watch every step she took.

Although she could relate to Draco's wish to make amends and thought that her initial reaction had probably been too harsh, she still found the situation awkward. How was it that he turned up just at the time when she was thinking about his father so much? "So... Uhm. Committed relationship, right?" Hermione finally ventured when the silence got a little too awkward and she couldn't pretend to be fascinated with her sandwich and tea anymore.

"Yeah... She's great. I couldn't just go on ignoring what I felt for her anymore. And Astoria and I — well, we just didn't work as a couple."

"I know what you mean."

"Yes, I heard about you and Weasley. I must admit, I'd never thought that the two of you would separate though. You always seemed to love each other so much."

"We still do. But can we please change the subject? I don't feel comfortable talking about that with you..."

Draco cocked his eyebrow but conceded with her wish. "My father's just as unhappy as you are, you know?" he finally said, seemingly out of the blue.

"What are you talking about? I'm not unhappy."

"You're not? You certainly look it."

The witch chose not to dignify his statement with an answer. "Why do you say he's sad? I cannot imagine him being sad. After all, he has what he wanted." She said instead.

"He doesn't have what he wanted. What gave you that idea?"

"Well, he... chose to stay married. He maintained the perception of the perfect aristocrat in the eye of the public and he can't complain about having a young mistress who'd do anything to go along with that either."

"Actually, I don't think he's had a mistress after you. He might have had an affair here and there, but no mistress that I know of."

"How would you know that?"

"Because I've always known when he had a mistress. There have been three since I was old enough to remember. I don't know any names, apart from yours, certainly, but I know that they were important to him.

"The first one was his childhood sweetheart, I think. She was his mistress even before I was born until I was about three or four. By then I think my mother had had enough of the rumours. Anyway, I only know about her, because my parents argued about it when I was much older.

"Then there was somebody he started seeing shortly after I began at Hogwarts. I am pretty sure they only stopped seeing each other when he was convicted. After that... there was you, but nobody else. Each of you three, he had feelings for, feelings other than duty, and that is much more than my mother can say."

"Nevertheless, he stayed with your mother."

"A pure-blood marriage is different from other marriages. They are entered into for political reasons, to join two families together and accumulate power. If the people getting married care about each other that's an added bonus, but it's by no means required. Happiness is nothing in the grand scheme of things. If you're looking for love, you take a mistress. But you never, under any circumstances, refuse or terminate your arranged marriage."

"You did," Hermione replied bitterly.

"My marriage wasn't arranged."

"It wasn't?" She looked at him, astonished.

"No. Our parents were very _supportive_ of our choice and encouraged us, but it was not arranged. And I belong to a new generation of pure-bloods. Changes take a lot of time, but they are happening.

"What you shouldn't forget either is the fact that I was only married to Astoria for four years. I'll still have hell to pay for the divorce, but nothing compared to what my father would have to pay to my mother. Believe me if I say that pure-blood marriage arrangements don't encourage divorce."

"He couldn't love me that much if it's money that kept him from leaving her."

"Don't be stupid, Granger! Stop being childish - we're talking about risking financial ruin and, more than that, being ostracised from society, going against everything he has been brought up to be. Brought up to _be_, not to _believe_. He loves you, there is no doubt about that.

"I didn't realise until recently how miserable he has been for most of his life. And then I realised something else: that there was a short time when he wasn't unhappy."

"He had an affair with your wife, Draco. You know that, right?"

"He what? An affair with Astoria? What gave you that ridiculous idea?"

"I saw them."

"Well, I don't know what you saw, but I can tell you for certain that my father has no interest in Astoria whatsoever. She's... she's like my mother's clone. Why should he have an affair with her? If you're looking for something new, you don't take a pure-blood mistress.

"That, my dear Granger, is why pure-blood men have half-blood mistresses: not because they think that pure-blood women are 'too good' to be a mistress, but because they are all so alike."

"Why should I? Look at them... Your ex, your mother... For heaven's sake, look at Pansy, Daphne, the Patil twins, even Lavender Brown. They're the epitome of femininity. They're perfection."

Draco nodded.

"That they are. And that's exactly why they are so boring.

"Astoria would never contradict me in public. Under no circumstances. I don't think anybody has ever seen her without make-up since she turned fourteen. She would never raise her voice in anger or do anything unseemly. Her nails are always perfectly manicured and her hair's never out of control, just like she's always in control of herself.

"The most passionate response I've ever received from her in bed was a delicate sigh. _And don't you dare go questioning my skills..._" He smirked at that.

"But my new girlfriend? She's nothing like that. She wears make-up, but only when she feels like it, and when we have a shouting match, I think people in the next town can hear us. She took me to one of those Muggle fairs once, and we got soaked to the bone on a Muggle roller-coaster log-flume or something. So soaked in fact, that everybody could admire her wet t-shirt. Her nails are never manicured and her hair... Well, it's a lot like yours. She's not dignified and well-behaved.

"And in bed... Well let's just keep that bit private, okay?

"No, Hermione, you're wrong if you think my father would choose Astoria over you. Pure-blood women are trophy wives and obviously needed to secure the pure continuation of a line. But that's it. And most importantly: Lucius still loves you. And seeing your reaction, I dare say that you still love him, too. Am I right?"

The witch stared at him wide eyed without saying a word. Then she jumped up, collecting all of her things in a hurry.

"Oh, look at the time... I really, really have to go now. Nice talking to you, Draco. I... I... Uhm. See you..."

She hurried out of the café, throwing a panicked glance at him over her shoulder before she disappeared.

* * *

**A/N:** * The quote is from Gotthold Ephraim Lessing's _Nathan the Wise_, more precisely from the 'Ringparabel'. It's an early and honest plea for religious tolerance published in 1779 and was banned not only by the church during Lessing's lifetime, but later on by the Nazis, too.


End file.
